Tuesday, 3 March 2015

How do i feel a couple of weeks on? punishments

Anon asked, im going to assume this is from the same anon that replied on that post.

"Do you feel any different about the punishment you received now, compared to when you wrote the post about it?  Do you get punished regularly? on what grounds would a punishment be given?"

Yes and no, to the first question.

Yes because i can recognise that it was for the best, i always knew i deserved it so thats not an issue at all, it was horrid, i dont want to go through it again, it just brought about, what i can only describe as this explosion of thoughts, emotions, that escalated to the point i wanted to withdraw from him, because i was hurting in so many ways, by shutting off i could protect myself, defence mechanism i would say...consequently it brought about a conversation that was difficult.

However, now, as painful as it was at the time and i dont mean just of the physical nature, how i felt etc, the subsequent conversations have me in a much better place, and i feel i needed to go through it all to come out more positive, its just put us back on track, not the actual punishment but the effects it caused.  I am feeling much more secure about myself and our relationship than i have in a while.

No, because if im going to be truthful, i still cant get my head around his coldness immediately afterwards, im past dwelling on it, but its there.

I dont get punished regularly, well define regularly lol.....that was the first punishment i had received in months, but there were things that i probably should, well i know i should have been punished for, but i wasnt, that in hindsight, he said himself was a mistake on his part, one that wont happen again.

I dont foresee, or i hope to go a long, long time without needing to be punished, but thats down to me, to ensure what he expects of me is what he gets, and what he does expect isnt unreasonable.

Grounds for punishment?

Most definitely disobedience and disrespectful attitude/behaviour will result in being punished, thats a given, otherwise i think its dependent on the situation, the circumstances, like for example, during s/m its not uncommon for me to call him horrid names, i wouldnt get punished for that, if anything it spurs him on! but if i was to call him a fucking bastard in a conversation..yeah that wouldnt go down too well at all.....not that i would dream of doing that....think it...heck yes!!!

I am doing questions in order received, but as this one ties in with this, im putting it in here, yeah im queue jumping!

SissysubNY asked

"You said you are allowed to speak freely here, that it's considered your domain, would you get punished for something you wrote, stop you blogging?  Thank you"

I do consider it my domain, however when push comes to shove, because of how our relationship works, blogging is a privilege, something he allows me to do, and is happy for me to do, but he could if he chose to do so take it away for a set time or even permanently (unlikely permanent, but the point is he could), perhaps even as a punishment in itself....and i would not be happy about that..umm yeah but thats the point of a punishment!

I am allowed to write what i like, but if the content was in conflict with what he expects of me, hmm it would depend on the circumstances, intent of what i write,..not sure i have explained that well....then yes he would punish me.

Thank you for the questions, hope that covers what you wanted to know.


  1. Hi Tori, I enjoyed reading your answers. I am so glad that you have spoken about the punishment and that you are in a much better place about it and that it has put you both back on track.

    As for blogging, when we were active in DD Rick always reviewed my posts before being published and I have on occasion been banned from blogland as a punishment. Although we are not currently active in DD and I don't post often, I still ask him to review posts.


    1. thank you Roz

      it helped a lot having the discussion afterwards, it clarified a lot of the concerns i had.

      Oh gosh i bet that was difficult, i know i would find it so. I do hope you get back to DD if thats what you both want.


  2. I have a question: Has there been any one thing that you have done for your Master that you wished he'd never had you do? If so, was it because of the experience itself or the afterward?

    1. will get to this.

      What a horrid, difficult question lol