Monday, 31 March 2014

Hello, my name is tori

and im a masochist.

Its been, a long time, weeks and weeks since i have had a really good beating.


i miss it

I had a big blow up about the whole s/m thing a few weeks back, threw me off track, i had to re-think or perhaps re focus on what s/m meant to me and where it fitted in.

This last week has been a pretty shit week all round, Master had and is still having a huge work related issue, which has made him angry, and he isnt a man that angers easily.  Have been away to visit my brother and sister-in-law who are having marital problems, which turned out to be worse than i thought, i dont think its going to work out, but hopefully im wrong.

Got home on Saturday and my son announced his girlfriend is pregnant (welcome home mum!), does it make me an insensitive bitch that im relieved she has chosen to have an abortion? but regardless its what she wants, its her decision.  Huge lecture with son about using condoms, even though she is on the pill, which yes if you forget to take it a few times a week your at risk, lesson learnt, a hard one.

I need a beating, he needs to give me one, to vent, and i need it, because it gives me a period of escapism, gives us both that.

Friday, 21 March 2014

On a bicycle made for two

In discussing with Master our relationship, what works for us, what doesnt, room for improvement etc, he pointed out that a lot of why i struggle sometimes is the attitude i have towards certain things/situations.  I didnt like it, i guess it made me a bit defencive but yet i had to agree (after some contemplation) that he brought to the surface some valid points.

Kink was a huge part of the discussion, well in light of my explosion it was bound to be, i asked him if he thought that because i liked what i do, am i normal? his response "define normal?" and i couldnt and cant, i guess normal is what is considered when you read surveys/figures that say that the average couple have sex around 3 times a week....what is this based on? how many people were surveyed etc, its like reading daily horoscopes, their generic, the chances are something that is said, anyone can apply to themselves.

I know i may not be making sense, but i need to get these thoughts out, its whats helped me to sort through my mess of a head!

Is the idea of 'normal' what the majority of society deems acceptable?  dont have an answer for that!

I suppose though in the view of the majority of society, i would not be seen as normal, my relationship with Master would not be considered normal, but yet its normal to me, to him, and for many others in similar relationships to us its normal, so normal is i would say generic like the daily horoscopes.

Years ago on Informed Consent there was a big discussion, which became quite controversial, a woman started a post that asked how people could engage in and enjoy such acts as face slapping, rape-play, humiliation amongst other things, and be ok with all of this when some woman like herself experienced domestic abuse and she felt it was making light of women that suffer abuse.

 I wouldnt entertain the idea at all of going onto a domestic abuse forum and saying "whats the matter with you lot, nothing wrong with a good hard slap to the face" it would be highly inappropriate to do that as well as quite sick in my mind.

So politely and sensitively it was suggested that this woman was really in the wrong place, the message being that coming onto a D/s, bdsm site and protesting about the postings of s/m and/or the ways people behave in their dynamics wasnt going to go down really well.

And right there is what is bringing me around back to being ok with it all.

Peoples perceptions are generally based on their own personal experiences or what society indoctrinates into us what is 'normal', men as boys are generally taught that its not acceptable to hit a woman, and likewise girls are taught that its not ok to stay in abusive relationships, its not healthy......and thats what caused me some conflict.

Yes, we all know that these (ttwd) are based on consent, i couldnt reason with that argument though, i kept coming back to the fact that our relationship involves the element of non consensual consent, that he can, and will and does decide what occurs in our relationship whether im agreeable or not.

But its more than just being about consent, its about trust, integrity of the dominant, and the submissive.

Im in the right place, with Master, i fit in, im accepted and so its normal.

Thursday, 20 March 2014

The show must go on

Still not completely back on track, but feeling slightly better about it all, no s/m going on, and im ok with that.....for the moment, time will tell.

But questions, yeah im so behind, im trying to catch up on blogs, slowly getting there.

apologies to those that asked questions that i havent got to yet.

Ava Grace asked

"What made you decide to start blogging about D/s lifestyle?"

ahh well i didnt

The bossman announced one day that he had set a blog up for me and i wasnt too enthusiastic about it, i had and still do keep a private handwritten journal and i figured what was the point of keeping a blog!

It took me a while to settle into blogging, and slowly learnt to love it, although i did take a 2 year break from blogging a while back, when i came back to it, it felt like it was a different person who wrote all what came before the much had happened in those 2 years, i had changed, outlook etc.

So when i came back, it was with a different attitude, its helpful to me to get my thoughts down, sometimes writing about something can make things that bit more clearer in ones head, i started to interact more with other bloggers, and that helped, still helps in giving me a sense of not being alone, having other people to relate to, bounce thoughts off, we can always learn more no matter how much we think we may know.

He reads my blog, which initially i hated, but now i think nothing of it, its another form of communication, it provides him with insight, he gets more information about how and what i think etc....which i think is a good thing, the better a dominant knows his sub, the more effective he can dominate, he will pick up on things that i write that lead to some great discussions.

"how much of your kink do you share with the outside world?"

Other than keeping this blog, pretty much none of it.  We are both fairly private people, i have a close friend who knows somewhat of the kink we engage in, but she thinks it as bedroom kink only and i dont put her right.  No matter how open minded people may be, this is not a lifestyle that is generally going to be understood, and as much as i would like to think that one day that M/s (or other forms of ttwd) will be accepted and recognised by society and the law, i dont think that day will come in my lifetime, so to avoid unwanted questions, judgement, i keep my thoughts, opinions about (and) our relationship dynamic private to the outside world.

"why Master/slave? what differentiates it from Dominant/submissive, is Master/slave more 24/7?"

i probably should do a separate post for this..but im trying to catch up lol

The simple and quick answer would be its just labels, and does it matter?

in general it doesnt matter, however its what matter to the person, what it means to them.

For my Master its about tpe, ownership, dominating all of me, all of the time and therefore M/s is more apt, it may seem 'cold' but he sees me as his property, he owns me, bottom line is im answerable and dependent to/on him in every way, and i guess in my opinion this is the subtle difference between M/s and D/s.

I think one can be M/s or D/s 24/7, everyone fits around what works for them, but in my opinion because of the general nature of being M/s, the intensity, the process, the dependency etc its more effective in 24/7 situations, there is no break from it at all, you cant fully experience the whole effect (for want of a better phrase) if your not living and experiencing  it together on a permanent basis.

Monday, 17 March 2014

The domino effect

Identifying what triggered me to have such an adverse reaction to that post has taken some time, and im still not 100% at ease.

It started with one thought, that caused a domino effect of emotions which spiralled out of control, by the time we got to the following day i was wanting s/m taken off the table, i didnt want it, didnt need it, i wanted to take my masochism, put it in a box and bury it deep.

The 'domino' that set it all off was when i went to publish his replies, my immediate concern was what if he got asked follow up questions and they were of the nature of delving more into s/m, or humiliation, what has he done in his past or we have done etc....

and i panicked, because although yes i do discuss it, i choose what information i provide, and when i do blog about s/m sessions or humiliation scenes we have, i tone it down, or rather i omit all the details (not always), which isnt a big deal, im sure not everybody spills all about everything....and somethings are just simply private, and rationally i know there is no expectation for me to lay it all out.

I dont and didnt want elements of our relationship aired in public.

This then caused the knock on effect.

I sat analysing, over thinking, (as i have a tendency to do) about my masochism, and as i was writing replies to my last post i was getting more paranoid, and i got taken off blogger, made to step away until these irrational thoughts were dealt with.

In the past when i first struggled with my masochism, i took the route of deflecting it on to him, that because i had no choice in what happened, i therefore held no responsibility, he was simply the 'horrible' man doing these things to me.

Which was easy to do when any and every form of s/m was initiated by him, but it didnt stop the feelings of guilt and shame surfacing every so often which we talked through a lot, so many times, he would get frustrated with me that i seemed to see it all as not being normal, i would get frustrated with him that he couldnt understand where i was coming from, in that it wasnt normal, i would declare that he has made me like this, made me enjoy these horrid things that i didnt like.

His answer to that was and still is, he only brought out of me what was already there, and if wasnt him it would, could have been any other sadistic dominant that recognised they had a masochist on their hands....and i wouldnt have that.

What changed, and eventually made me more accepting was when he stated that i had to ask for pain, to be specific in what i wanted, he wanted me to beg him to hurt me....and i was so sure that was not going to happen.

But it did, and i didnt hold out for very long, it was difficult for me to ask, it made me uncomfortable, awkward,  but i guess it proved that if you want something bad enough you will get past that, and i wanted it, i missed it.

He encouraged me every step of the way, and i forgot about the feelings of shame, whether it was wrong or not, it didnt matter because its just us two, its not effecting anyone else, and once i got going there was no holding back, he loved and still loves teaching/showing me all the different ways he can hurt and humiliate me and i lapped it up.

I had and have no problems since then asking, there is nothing left fantasy wise in my head that he is not privy to, he has never made me feel like im a freak, no judgement when some of the things that come out of my head, are in my mind quite disturbing, he embraced it, and because he did, so did i.

But that post had all those old feelings/thoughts come to the surface, and after a pep talk, reassurance, taking a step away i can see that if i had just gone to him in the first place with my concerns then it more than likely wouldnt have spiralled out of control, but me being me, i let it build up until it just exploded.

It was not anything that anyone said, it was my insecurity, and i appreciate the supportive comments, i really do, but it was difficult for me to hear them because i felt weak that i had openly displayed a vulnerability, and that doesnt make me weak, i think, or at least im trying to get that in my head.


I know i have questions left to answer, comments to follow up on, posts to catch up on, i will get to them soon.

and what the bloody hell has happened to my blog, there are links all over it!

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Uncomfortable truths

Im British, and one thing we have a reputation for is the stiff upper lip, and in my childhood it was certainly the case that displays of emotions were not encouraged, most certainly not negative emotions.   I deal with things that make me uncomfortable by making light of it, joking, laughing it off i guess you could say.

The previous post, unsettled me quite a bit, as i was writing my commentary to his replies i was actually doing so with tears running down my face, its kind of difficult to explain why, but i will try.

I know that i have wrote about s/m on many occasion here, and Fiona was correct in what she said in that the bossman didnt really say anything that i havent already said, but to see it in black and white from his perspective just really caught me unawares and triggered some insecurities.  

It took me to a place which i thought i had long gotten past, that what sort of fucked up person am i that enjoys, wants and seeks out this treatment, its not normal, and how will i perceived, because lets face it we all judge to some degree.

Im not entirely comfortable with my masochism, and when i write about it im in control of my thoughts and what i say, to see his take on it, left me judging myself and not in a positive light, i felt strongly that he gave more insight into this part of me than i ever have on here, and i didnt like that.  So to realise that what he wrote is no more info than what i have previously wrote about and how it made me feel reading it, has me unsettled.

His turn.....and a plea from me

Lil asked

"What is it about inflicting pain that is a turn on?"

I have no idea at all.  It's been a part of me for a long time.  I can remember feeling aroused by elements of this, even in my very early teens.  Not violence or pain per se, but ritual scenarios, medieval torture scenes on tv and things like that.  In real life, it has to be with consent, there's something amazing about being with someone who wants, begs to be hurt.  i was waiting myself for the answer to this because when we have spoke about it, because when i struggle with accepting my masochism i want a definition, a reason of why i am like i am, and i know you have come to terms with your sadism and tend not to want to get into why you are like you are, i guess i was hoping for more of an explanation..maybe it just is simply is who we are and there is no idea and its better to just accept it rather than look for a reason to explain it...dunno.

Misssubis asked 

"Tori has spoke about how sometimes when she is being caned she can easily slip into subspace and the pain stops registering and it can go on and on until you choose to stop, what is it about seeing her like that, that you like, or do you prefer it when she is really suffering and doesnt go into subspace?"

It depends.  Generally, I am very happy for her to go into sub space when she is being caned.  I like to see her bleed, and I enjoy administering the cane, so what's not to like.  There are times; however, when i prefer to see suffering.  I like to see the pain in her face, and watch her trying to control it, for me.  I like to see her cry, and to see her scared, worried about what will happen next.  Sometimes, I like to administer many different sorts of pain at once.  In particular, I like to see her writhe under the whip.  I love the marks the whip makes, and the bruises and welts that come later.  This is particularly true of using the whip on her back and breasts.  She has asked for permanent marks, and the single-tail on her back may be the route I will take to this.  it wasnt the route i was thinking of taking!  is it too late to take the offer up of choosing what i would like and how its done?  i know, i know if you waited for me to decide we would be waiting a very long time.

Anonymous blogger asked

"How do you know when enough is enough during s&m, that she really cant take anymore?"

When she is in sub space, it's when the wounds from the cane (or other implement) are reaching the point where they look as if they would take a week or so to heal or at risk of permanent damage.  One of my favourite things at this point, is to fuck her in the ass, still tied to the bench, whilst using my hands on her cheeks, she loves this particular mixture of pleasure and pain.  there is a point of tmi, you have reached it.

When she is in some other scenario, once again, it depends, I will usually decide what is to be done in terms of level, and intensity, and she'll get that, regardless of her reaction to it.  The exemption to thjs rule will be if it's something that she's asked to try.  ok i do have to interject here, when i do ask to try something you add or adapt to it, and generally the something added is not nice at all, like the first time i asked for weights?....yes..i rest my case!

My decision on how far to push her, will be based on previous experience, with that type (or specific) activity.  If she's clearly having trouble with something, I may slow it down, or take a break, but she always gets what I have decided she will take.  I am a sadist, and for me, pushing her hard like this, perhaps beyond where she thought she could go, is a real turn-on.  There's more to 'edge-play' than knives or breathing restrictions.  All activities in BDSM have edges for an individual, and each individuals edges will differ.  Tori knows that sometimes she will be pushed way beyond her comfort zone, or perhaps that should be her discomfort zone.  She may scream, cry, beg and frequently call me all sorts of names.  Afterwards, she delights in what she has achieved, her marks, the lingering pain, and frequently wants to be taken there again!  well i think its pretty clear that your a sadist, and if they didnt know they sure as hell do now!

 my plea?

ahh yes, i think the bossman has taken to much of a liking to this, which is not to my liking, so no more questions for him thank you very much, i want my sanctuary back!

sorry Master, i know i cant stop you, but well for a man that is usually of few words, you seem to be finding more than is necessary here, loves ya though.

Monday, 10 March 2014

All about the suffering....Not

*i should say that if anyone does opt to email me, if we havent corresponded before then it tends to go to my bulk folder which i dont tend to check very often, which is how i missed these questions from a blogger that wished to remain anonymous.....again apologies, i wasnt ignoring you*

1)  Reading the Bossman's answers I wandered how high your pain threshold is especially after reading this, I quote "when her body is bleeding from my cane or my whip"?

Its variable on many factors, which i know sounds evasive but it depends on the implement, my frame of mind at the time, part of body he is hurting.  

For example, when im the right frame of mind, i love the cane and can take a severe caning where it will draw blood and it doesnt faze me at all, its the only implement that he has had to stop before i have wanted him to, purely because any more strokes could have the risk of causing permanent damage.

On the other side of the coin, when im not in a receptive mood, he could use the cane and less than a dozen strokes in i want it to stop, there have been occasions where if i havent been tied down i will move away..notably one time i locked myself in the bathroom to get away from him and the cane.

2) Is it mainly about your suffering that he enjoys? or is there some enjoyment for you as well?

Nope not mainly about my suffering.  Perhaps i dont make it clear, coz i know im terrible for moaning about what i dont like etc, but more often than not its about mutual enjoyment, he enjoys hurting me and i enjoy getting hurt.  

Gosh, im a giggler and its not uncommon for me to have fits of laughter when being hurt, and he is laid back about it, during play its the only time i can get away with calling him horrid names and he generally laughs, it encourages him, and i know that..

What enjoyment is there for me?  i love the connection between us at these times, in many ways i find it more intimate than sex, i like seeing the desire and excitement in his eyes as he hurts me, we feed off one another, the more he sees me enjoying it the more it spurs him on.

Yes there are certainly times it is just about my suffering, i cant deny that he does really love it when i am genuinely suffering, and i really want it to stop, but he knows that i get off on enduring, not at the time but afterwards........he would not get any enjoyment from inflicting pain on anyone that did not enjoy it on any level, after all he wants me to want to come back for more.

3)  How does he know when you have had enough?

Im going to add this to his questions to answer (which i will have to get on to him about) if you dont mind?

4) Is s&m the most important part of your dynamic?

No, it plays a big part in our relationship because as explained above we both do enjoy it, but actually we dont play that often, not in the extent of 'harder' scenes, my first 'love' is being controlled/dominated and still remains what is most important to me.

omg, im still try to play catch up!, i just wanted to get this one out because i feel guilty that i missed it...sorry!

Saturday, 8 March 2014

Commercial break...International Womans Day

Im taking a 'question' post break, because i do like to try to mark International Woman's Day which is today, the focus this year being centred around inspiring change.  I will get around to replying to all questions and following up on the blogs i have asked questions on, so please bear with me for a few days.

Inspiring change

unfortunately it is the case that for many woman from the moment they are born purely because they are female they are seen as having less value, this may be because of the country they are born in, religion, culture, im all for respecting different religions, cultures etc but not when it places less value on one sex.

As a mother and having a daughter, it is my responsibility to have her grow up hopefully to be a confident young woman, to treat her just the same as i do her brother, if i expect her to do chores that are cleaning then i expect the same from him, if i  teach her to cook then i also teach her brother......i dont want either of them to grow up thinking that there are things considered a 'womans job' and likewise a 'mans job'.

I expect the same respect, manners and behaviours from both of them.

For many, too many young girls this is not the case, can just one day make a difference? no, but in promoting it, as many countries, organisations do it creates awareness, perhaps helping some women to give them the courage to make changes in their lives for the better.

It is not acceptable to live in fear, to be forced into marriage, to have no voice because theirs does not count, to be denied education because they dont have a penis....

We have come a long way in womans rights in the modern world, but lets not get complacent, there is still a way to go, for many women.

like it, like it not

*getting there* but if you want to keep me busy feel free to ask more....i may regret saying that*

P Surren asked

"What is the scariest thing you've ever done?"

this is a tricky one, in general? bdsm wise? and a lot of things are scary the first time.

Im going to assume you mean bdsm..

oh blimey umm there are a few things here that i could say, and i have been trying to think on what scared me the most, im edging towards a scene we had years back with another dominant.

They suspended me, not fully, but enough that i was on tip-toes, and proceeded to cane me, both working me over, walking around me, nothing was left out, ass, back and front of thighs, tits, stomach, between my legs when they could catch me there (i was wriggling a lot).

I didnt want to do it, but well yeah it was happening, and initially it was ok, but it got too much and i panicked, i was just bloody scared and i burst into tears, which is very unlike me, and was the first time i had responded this way.

Master stopped the scene straight away to be fair to him, and i was just a sobbing mess, i felt a failure because i felt i had let him down, i was scared he was going to make me continue, i was overwhelmed by all these emotions, what must the other dominant think, have i embarrassed Master etc.

We learnt a lot from that scenario, Master wanted to know why i didnt safeword as soon as i started getting worked up? and i thought that because we didnt use safewords between us, and he was active in the scene i wouldnt be allowed to.  He reiterated what he has always said, that when playing with others im allowed and expected to safeword if i get distressed in any way and no less would be thought of me.

 I was scared before they even started, it was the first time i was to experience 2 doms at once (and one sadist is a handful), plus i didnt like the other dom that much either so that didnt help.

It stayed with me for a long time, and even now the thought of going through it again scares me, it was just more than i could cope with on an emotional level, in hindsight as we both discussed and agreed on later, it was too much for me, too soon, we hadnt been together that long, the previous night we met with a couple and i had my first bi experience, and sexual experience with another dom, so it was simply all too much, i was pushed too far.

"The thing you dreaded the most and did you end up enjoying it?", this also applies to chickadees question "is there anything you once said you would never do, and now you enjoy it?"

needles, originally a hard limit, it was a big thing for me to ask for them, and when he used them on me, afterwards i was like "that was amazing, cant believe i was so scared of them" they are one of my favourite things now.

"What is your most hated implement?  Does it get used often?

dressage whip.  Its really thin, whippy (obviously lol) i just cant seem to handle it at all, even now its the one implement that from the moment it comes into play im begging, moving away from him (he generally makes sure im tied up when it comes out), trying every tactic for him not to use it....if i could have it as a hard limit i would.

Now thankfully it doesnt get used that often, maybe about 7/8 months perhaps longer since it was last used, and i would like for it to be at least that again before its used again.

Right off to go through my blog roll now, this is so much fun!

Friday, 7 March 2014

Outside looking in...from then to now

I dont know about the rest of you all, i need more hours in the day to ask questions and answer, not that im complaining im really enjoying this, but i do like to go back to the blogs i asked questions on and follow up...umm heck that could be a never ending circle couldnt it lol

anyways on with the show

DelFonte asked

"How do you think your relationship to Bossman appears to the outside world, the vanilla one?"

Gosh im really not sure, being as i do like people watching myself it would be foolish of me to think that people dont sometimes pick up on how we are with each other, behaviourism's etc.  Generally when in the 'outside world' its more subtle, a certain look from him can convey his meaning without words or a whisper in the ear.

I would like to think people just see a couple that are comfortable with one another, attentive, however they might see what they consider an overbearing domineering bully of a man and a weak, meek pathetic woman that cant make her own choices in certain situations.

His slut asked

"How after so many years do you find ways to deepen your submission?"

I think its continual, in that the more we experience, as the relationship develops etc we learn more about ourselves, our dominants, what i thought about being submissive now compared to 5 years, heck even 2 years ago has changed.

I feel like sometimes im lagging behind whereas he is miles in front waiting for me to catch up, because he cant tell me how i should think or feel, i have to get there on my own, sure he can guide me, he could say "I would like you to think like xyz" but it has to come from me, from within.

So we talk a lot, he explains his reasonings to me, encourages me to ask him questions, we talk (in blogland) a lot of the sub communicating honestly and openly but it works both ways, the better i understand what he expects of me and why, the better i can 'work' on my submission.

Im not sure that exactly answers the question, but its the best i got lol

Joolz asked

"was there a transition from submission to slavehood or was it something you agreed from the beginning with Bossman?

Definitley not from the beginning, it wasnt something that appeared on my radar lol.  After we had been together quite a while, realised that the relationship was going somewhere, then like most couples there was a lot of discussion about important issues, the extra element here was the ttwd and expectations for that.

He was honest with me about the type of relationship he would prefer ie M/s, what that would entail, his expectations of me and also what i would expect from him etc, lots and lots of discussions, asking questions etc.  He left it to me to think on, i did (although no matter how prepared i thought i was, reality was still a shocker lol) and i asked him for enslavement.

I dont think its as simple as going to bed one night a submissive and waking up the next day as a slave lol, enslavement is ongoing, adapting to a mindset, the 'idea' of relinquishing control to another can sound very exciting, thrilling, and oh dont get me wrong its great but the reality is its not always easy, people dont tend to look beyond the kink side and that is just a small part of it.

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

All about orgasm denial....yep just rub it in that im not getting any!

*well i certainly cant complain i have nothing to blog about!, i got enough material for at least another 5/6 posts, im really enjoying this, i know i said it before but im saying it again, its interesting reading other peoples questions, asking them, so if your not taking part....go on take the plunge.....whats the worst you could be asked?...second thought dont answer that!*

From Misty

How does orgasm denial make you feel?  I know you said that you are constantly aroused but is there more than that?  Im wandering about emotional feelings.

From mc kitten

Orgasm denial.  Is this something you really wanted to do, or is it something that comes more from the Bossman?  How does it work - are there set periods where you don't get to cum, or is just down to his whim?  How do you feel about it?  Do you love it? hate it? or a bit of both?

Orgasm denial was introduced by the bossman originally as a punishment way back when we first got together, i was, and still am not allowed to touch myself intimately in any way without his permission (barring washing and that time of the month) and if i did then i was denied orgasms, usually for about a week.

I hated it, because well who doesnt like having an orgasm lol, eventually, longer than it really should have been i learnt my lesson and its been years since i have disobeyed in this way.

In the last couple of years he has taken to denying me for long periods of time, the longest as far as i can recall has been about 5 months, at the moment its been perhaps 8 weeks ish since i have climaxed.

Although there are not necessarily set patterns, i know that if he has a planned 'hard' session in mind (which he will set aside a date for, usually a weekend, arrange to get kids farmed out lol) then i know that im not going to be getting any orgasms until that date (minimum of 4/5 weeks beforehand)....he always allows me orgasms at these times, it helps in associating pain with pleasure..but thats a whole other issue.

Being denied was something i initially didnt like at all, certainly not when it was for long periods of time, but it ingrained into me that my pleasure is for him to decide, if i get it and how i get it, it reinforces the mindset of his pleasure comes before mine.

The added advantage, which neither of was expecting, well i know i didnt is it revved up my sex drive, which has never been high, i feel like sometimes im constantly aroused, on edge and i initiate sex more than i ever did before.

So now, although yes there are certainly times where im desperate to cum for the most part i enjoy the sense of need it gives me, its been long enough now that im ok with it because its made me more confident sexually how im finding hard to explain..i guess because i desire sex more because it sates me even without orgasm.

Plus, when i do get to cum its bloody great, and he usually gets multiple orgasms out of me.

Hope thats covered it.

Tuesday, 4 March 2014

bossman's turn

From Fiona

1)  How did you choose tori?

She had the right attitude, and seemed open to exploring beyond where she had got when we met.  It was a bonus that she's also incredibly sexy, and likes pain.  I delight in hurting her.  aww your not too bad yourself for an old can beat me for saying that, i wont object....when im better!

2)  Whats your favourite implement to use?

Generally, percussive things.  The cane , because she responds to it so well, and the paddle, because of the way it bruises.  Ultimately, though it's the single-tail whip.  Nothing quite as stimulating for me as watching dozens of red welts coming up on her back, and in particular on her lovely tits.  implement! not implements, not that im arguing of course, i will concur on the cane, the paddle is ok the single tail depends on which one.

3)  What do you like/dislike about tori's blogging?

I like that she has the opportunity to share her experiences with others, it's helpful for her in processing her thoughts and subsequently leads to us discussing them.  I dislike the idiots and trolls who can sometimes undermine her confidence, although she is pretty good at dealing with these now.  so you get that sometimes sarcasm is a necessary measure..yes? and i can conclude that i will not get in trouble for it?

4)  What is one sign of tori's submission that pleases you most?

When she just let's herself go and stops fighting against what she is.  When she calmly, and confidently, asks me for pain; asks me to hurt her; and asks me not to stop, when her body is bleeding from my cane or my whip.  im disappointed that you did not say that it was my total obedience, how pleasing i am, (cough, cough, splutter....maybe not)  not to mention how great i am at ass licking proverbially and literally!  

5)  Whats one fantasy you have involving you and tori?

To watch her being dominated by a group of women, to see them hurt and humiliate her, and to see her realise that with all her protesting about this, she would enjoy it.  i have to confess here, i edited his reply to this one because it contained more information that i would like to share.....and fingers crossed he doesnt have me put it right...yes i know im a spoilt sport.     and i want to make it clear this is a fantasy we do not share!  and i would not enjoy it!!!!!! yes this warrants extra exclamation points!!!!

Question from Misty

What is one thing about tori we might be surprised to find out?

She claims not to like sex with woman, but every time she has been forced to serve them, she gets incredibly excited.  oh im relieved, i was wandering what the reply to this would be and this is not bad at all...because actually it wont come as a surprise, this was actually mentioned in previous post....and i claim not to like sex with woman because i dont!

Question from His slut

How after so many years do you find ways to keep pushing tori to encourage to be a better submissive, woman, mother etc?

The key here is to know when to push and when to hold back and let her get where I want her to be in her own time, and being together as long as we have, knowing her,  I am confident in assessing when to push and when not to.

The ways to push vary, it's very much situation dependent, but mostly it's providing her with the necessary tools to encourage her to be better, to want to be better, communication, support, consistency on my part.  hey lots of orgasms always provide me with motivation..we should try that, coz im forgetting what there like, nope thats not asking, its a suggestion, you said im always allowed to suggest.

rest of questions to follow soon

and thanks to those taking part, such fun!

Monday, 3 March 2014

OOOh some good, interesting questions

I havent taken part in this before, but i think its a great idea, gets us all interacting, im loving asking questions on others blogs and answering.

Its going to take more than one post, but all will be answered.

So in order..

Anon asked me "are you bisexual?"

oh anon, i dont know if you read me a lot, but if you do then you should know that what should be a straightforward yes or no answer..well lets just say i dont tend to go the straightforward route..yeah i make it more complicated than it needs to be basically!

I am not naturally bisexual, i can appreciate a good looking woman and i will say as much, but im not sexually attracted to women, however i begrudgingly admit i get a kick out of forced bi.  The times i have been with a woman, under my Masters direction, although i have not enjoyed the act itself (licking pussy ugh, receiving well heck yes!), what i did find a huge turn on is having no choice in the matter, it was simply about pleasing him..and that turns me on.

anon asked the bossman "is he bisexual?"

now this is he is not, he just likes pussy..well and ass...but just my ass.

Fiona asked me (thankyou fiona)

1)  "What's your favourite sex toy and spanking implement?"

sex toy has to be remote controlled vibrating eggs, just so much fun especially in a public setting.

implement definitely the cane, it gets such a bad rap, as in for some reason it seems to be feared, but really if one can get past that its just bliss and takes me straight to that happy place (there are exceptions).

2)  When did you first realise that you are submissive?

In my late 20's, i had these desires, fantasies earlier than that but i didnt associate them with being submissive, when i acted on these desires with a dominant (before bossman) thinking i needed to get it out my system, i realised that it wasnt just a part-time thrill, it wasnt the kink....i relished being dominated, and subsequently brought out these parts of me that i didnt know i had..and it felt so right.

3)  Have your children ever caught you in a compromising submissive position or heard you being spanked?

oh im actually relieved to be straightforward and able to say a no and no to this ...well as far as im aware they havent, if they have i guess its filed under the "things we dont want to talk about with mum"  lol

4)  What's one fantasy you have involving you and the bossman?

i would love to watch him dominate a submissive male, he has done before (long before he met me), the thought of it excites me a great deal....when i have asked him about this its a firm no......but im not one to give in easily lol

ok, thats it for now, rest in a while.

the upside of having chicken pox is although im not feeling 100% im getting to lounge on the sofa with the laptop and blog!( its gone midnight here but i slept the best part of the day away and am now wide awake) and i need to, got to catch up with my own posts and with others, what with blogger screwing me around im missing out!!!!and well you should all know how nosy i am by now!

Saturday, 1 March 2014

I think blogger has caught my pox/question time

I have bloody chicken pox, i had been feeling ok with it when i first noticed the spots appear, the itching is a bitch, but since yesterday i have been feeling nauseus and headaches that i cant seem to shake off.

Blogger is playing me up, it happens every so often, i log in and apparently im not following anyone, after a few times refreshing my blog roll appears but its not updating blogs, it seems to be stuck on a week  ago....and i know people have posted since then!

So its a pain, coz i have to manually type in the blog address and its pissing me off no end.

I know i have comments to reply to from last 2 posts, im getting there...well not now, coz i feel like shit and im being sent to bed......alone....there all treating me like a leper.

 Its that month, question month, so yeah well if you have one, i will answer it, however whether the answer makes sense or not will depend on these factors....and the bossman (which im not sure i like the idea of!) will answer as well if any directed at him

1)  the question

2) amount of coffee consumed when replying

and i promise to..not be sarcastic......i dont make that promise very often!