Here's the thing

Ok, so the thing is on occasions i get comments that query aspects of my relationship, some comments are non offensive, but some are just plain judgemental..strangely enough these are mostly anonymous...go figure!

So im just going to point people in this direction in future..saves repeating myself....and plus for anyone new that happens to 'fall' upon this blog.....this is my may need coffee to survive this post...its a long un.

Sometimes posts appear on blogs about abuse, how do we define what is abuse in this realm of ttwd? who is anyone to say "thats not right".


Within this blog, there are posts written that one may find disturbing, perhaps one may even come away thinking its abusive, that we're sick perverts (that may be true!), there are posts that i have wrote, and no doubt will be more to come where im ranting, perhaps upset, angry, they probably wont and dont portray my Master in a very positive light...coz i think he is being a right nasty bastard.

Here's the thing.

These posts are not representative of the whole situation, you are 'seeing' a small part of a bigger picture, but hey this is my little corner, where its my dont 'see' his, and sometimes you dont get to see the 'calm after the storm'...your just getting the storm full on.

Within this blog, there are posts that contain details of s/m, sometimes we 'play' hard (yeah i know how does one define hard!), hmm.. a great night for me is being suspended, whipped, needles stuck in my bits and bobs, clamped and weighted....and a good hard caning to finish off.....the more tears, screams, blood and sweat the better.

Sometimes, he does things to me i dont like, i dont want, and sometimes im just simply not in the mood to 'endure' the things i do like usually, this does not deter him...sometimes its just simply about sating his needs.

Here's the thing.

Im a masochist (im guessing you guessed that) and he is a sadist, s/m for us is mostly mutual enjoyment, on the times that i dont enjoy it as it is happening...well thats just too bad..but the oddest thing is its later, afterwards that im on a high...i get off on that i have endured for him, that i have given him what he needs, i love to look in the mirror, proud of the marks that he has given me......i would do it all again.....and i do.

I adore humiliation, degradation....heck yes i love to be treated like the proverbial doormat!

I love it...thats really all that needs to be said about that.

This is M/s, TPE, its how we are, who we are, im happy a damn sight more than i am unhappy, i am loved and i love back, i dont live in fear, i am free because im accepted and embraced for being me.

So, when you read posts that contain any of this, whether it be my rants, im upset or its s/m and humiliation and if you do find any of it, or some of it upsetting, disturbing or you question is this abusive? dear reader(s) have the control can choose...

A) to walk away, to not read anymore, im ok with that, im not hung up on stats or how many followers i have.

B) to ask, i dont mind any questions or queries (although i cant promise to have any answers), what i do mind is please just be respectful and i will offer you the same courtesy.

C) to leave me a comment telling me how im in an abused relationship, but i just dont see which case..really just go back to reading 50 shades if you want romance and fantasy coz you clearly shouldnt be here!..reality too much huh?

D) to sit back, enjoy the ride, the ups, the downs, the moaning and the ranting.

E) to respect the fact that im an intelligent (ok that could be debatable at times) 38 year old woman, im not a newbie, i have been with Master years, i may not always know what im talking about but i do know my own mind, i know what makes me happy.

A quote

"We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.  It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but its another to think that yours is the only path"  Paulo Coelho.


  1. Hit the nail on the head. Great "here's the thing".

    Every play there is something i don't like. He does. It gives Him great pleasure to do those things. I've agreed to everything, even the non-enjoyable. Why? Because i get fulfilment pleasing Him - His needs and desires. He takes damn good care of me too. So yeah, our is far from abuse.

    Abuse = non consent & the abuser apologizing again and again if taken too far.

    TTWD = full consent and the Dominant know in order to get our submission that we are ultimately in control and the #1 priority is our physical, mental, and emotional well being.

    Abuser tasks what he wants, to what degree he wants, and could care less how it leaves the other person.

    Dom takes what He wants, when He wants, but only to the degree that His sub can mentally, physically, and emotionally handle it. Plus, takes care of sub in every degree. i can't tell you how many times Sir has had to not do what He desired because it would have been beyond detrimental to my current state of being.

    Love your post, tori!

  2. Hear hear!

    It is interesting to me that many vanilla women spend a lot of time complaining about their men, and this is acceptable. Indeed, should one refuse to participate, it is seen as odd.
    Yet...We all live in relationships, regardless of their form, I don't think it's possible to be with someone and not be pissed off at them sometimes. But if you're M/s and express any unhappiness or anger with your Master, people tend come crying abuse and telling you that you really must get out.
    It just seems so backwards to me...

    *Drains coffee cup and goes back for more.

  3. Thank you for this tab tori, most useful!

    I think when the blogger (not thinking of anyone in particular) is not adding 'and I love/d it' on to tales of degregation and humiliation and the top doing things they don't want/like, I have sometimes struggled to read it.

    Then this last year, I've been discovering how much I ADORE all those things and we've been going even more into pain too, and I think actually, what was making me uncomfortable was the growing awareness of that part of me and not quite accepting it.

    Anyhow, a tab setting out how it is for you is always helpful!

    lil - I couldn't agree more. I don't understand that vanilla whining of which you describe, I just don't understand why they don't communicate with their partner or move on (I know it's tricky to leave an abusive relationship, but I don't really mean those, I mean bog standard relationships where the woman just seems to spend a lot of time slagging their partner off to all and sundry).

  4. I love you for this. I love that you admit who you are. I love that I can rely on you to tell it how it is; good and bad, no sugar coating. I love C). I love it all.

  5. Well damn woman! That option C had me laughing hysterically!

    This is so wonderfully expressive of what you do and the relationship you and your Master share.


  6. great tab addition tori :) And I love the quote by Paulo Coelho ava x

  7. Excellent addition tori, so very well said :-)

  8. I drop in here now and again, and the things you describe make my jaw drop!
    So why do I keep coming back?
    Because you are such an expressive, intelligent writer, and I love your startling honesty, both here, and when I see you comment on other blogs.
    This page says it all so well!
    Oh, and I've just read in your comment on DV's blog that you live in a small UK village - so do I! it'd be wild of it was the same one, wouldn't it!


  9. As a new sub in ttwd... I applaud you and your post!!

  10. I'm a new sub and applaud your post and enjoy your blog. Thank you!!

  11. You made some very good points about a D/s relationship. It's unfortunate that some vanilla types see it as abuse as they complain about their husbands. I think D/s relationships often are more fulfilling than vanilla ones.