Sunday, 1 March 2009

sore happy

Been a while and havent posted, so best put that right i think.

Where to start, well just had another good weekend and im not sitting comfortably and its the first time i can say that and really mean it, yes its been sore before but not to this extent.....and i love it.

Sometimes its easy to forget that He is a sadist and i still think to myself " no He wouldnt do that to me" or i convince myself that i can plead and beg my way out of something and then reality hits and i remember that He is a sadist and enjoys hurting me especially when i really dont like or want it.

When we got to the chalet as usual i put the kettle on to make a coffee when He said would i like the cane before we had anything to drink, now i should have in hindsight realised that this was not normal as in normally we would have a coffee, chat before any activity and its me that usually starts asking for pain. Now the cane is my favourite so naturally i said yes however generally He will use something else first..not this time....and the strokes were relatively hard considering i had no warm up so i didnt handle it too well, infact i jumped up a few times to rub my bottom which is not something i tend to and was begging for no more and the bastard just made me take more....was not expecting that at that pretty much put paid to my naive thinking...would of thought i would have learnt by now that i cant predict what He is going to do.....obviously not!

Tried weights on nipples, intially it hurt not unbearably and after 5 mins or so the pain eases but then its when the clamps come off, i like to do that myself in my own time because im scared that if He takes them off He will pull on them. I liked it once i had gotten used to having them on and know i at least know what its going to be like at first, although of course they can be made heavier and when i was sucking His cock He made them swing and that is uncomfortable.

I think although He may disagree that im getting better at sucking His cock the way He likes it i dont seem to get told off as much for going to fast anyway and thats an improvement. I do though love licking His ass and am quite happy to do it for ages, but then sex wise there isnt much if anything i dont like doing, and anal is still my favourite. However after a while it does start to become very uncomfortable and i was getting to a point where i didnt want it, not that this makes any difference to Him. I do like it when it hurts and the last time we had anal before we left it hurt probably more than i felt comfortable with, i wanted His cock out of there which is definitley a first.

He beat me with the tawse intially whilst i was bent over the sofa which hurt more than the last time, i was prepared that He would more than likely be harder than He generally has been but fuck me what happened to having warm-ups! Then to make it worse He made me go over His knee which i dislike, im not a bloody child and its humiliating being treated like one which how it made me feel when He did that. I would rather have stayed over the sofa and been made to take harder strokes than be put in that position and tried stating as much but He wasnt having it.

OOH i did ask for the whip and can honestly say i wish i hadnt, i figured that by asking for it He might be lenient..was He hell although another way of looking at it is He could of been a lot worse but i hate it, i did end up moving away and covering myself and He stopped. I have thought since what the outcome would have been if I had been told to uncover myself as i dont think i willingly would have and i havent that im aware of blatantly refused to do something, i may attempt to get out of something but generally it takes no more than being told to do something twice and i obey, i still struggle to comply imediatley with somethings (ok im working on it..slowly).

I did though orgasm quite a bit during a caning, which isnt that unsual but the difference this time is the strokes was harder than im used to, the strangest thing was i laughed because it was the only way i could deal with it as it bloody hurt. I think part of the reason is i dont find it very easy to cry, even in vanilla situations i dont let anyone see me cry (apart from rare occassions), i know i shouldnt but i see it as a weakness. I did ask for more although i think i could only take another 4 before i gave in but overall im pleased with myself so im not going to beat myself up over it.

Okay my appraisal of how it went (He actually threatened to do that an appraisal that is and knowing how critical He can be im not sure i would like that).

I still need to work on keeping my mouth shut, i know i get lippy and thats what got me my punishment, although i dont tend to be as bad when we are together for obvious reasons.

I still as mentioned resist verbally mainly when i know by now i should obey without question..need to address that really.

I do try to push him into getting a reaction, which i know is topping from the bottom and i dont generally get away with it or i bite off more than i can chew but then i shouldnt even do it.

I need to work more on putting His pleasure before my own discomfort, when He used the needles i should have asked for them in my nipples but instead i begged him not to.

Other than that i think i did do better in general.