Uncomfortable truths

Im British, and one thing we have a reputation for is the stiff upper lip, and in my childhood it was certainly the case that displays of emotions were not encouraged, most certainly not negative emotions.   I deal with things that make me uncomfortable by making light of it, joking, laughing it off i guess you could say.

The previous post, unsettled me quite a bit, as i was writing my commentary to his replies i was actually doing so with tears running down my face, its kind of difficult to explain why, but i will try.

I know that i have wrote about s/m on many occasion here, and Fiona was correct in what she said in that the bossman didnt really say anything that i havent already said, but to see it in black and white from his perspective just really caught me unawares and triggered some insecurities.  

It took me to a place which i thought i had long gotten past, that what sort of fucked up person am i that enjoys, wants and seeks out this treatment, its not normal, and how will i perceived, because lets face it we all judge to some degree.

Im not entirely comfortable with my masochism, and when i write about it im in control of my thoughts and what i say, to see his take on it, left me judging myself and not in a positive light, i felt strongly that he gave more insight into this part of me than i ever have on here, and i didnt like that.  So to realise that what he wrote is no more info than what i have previously wrote about and how it made me feel reading it, has me unsettled.