Wednesday 18 March 2015

Born this way?

Collaredmom asked http://chasingmechasingyou.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/the-weight-of-weight.html?zx=469c16e39c8feb9c

"you said submitting is part of your nature.  Do you believe that some people are born submissive and/or dominant?  I have read some of the arguments, for both sides, I was just curious what you thought.  I'm intrigued by those who call Kink a sexual orientation.  But I am not sure I agree with them."

I think some people are born with the nature of having submissive/dominant traits but that does not automatically mean they could or would want to be submissive or dominant in the context of being in a D/s relationship.

When i said about submitting being part of my nature, i think its more it comes easily to me for the most part, i like being instructed, dominated, i feel safe and secure in having a structured, controlled environment, where i know whats acceptable and what isnt. Submitting to him just feels right, being his slave is the real me, not the 'me' other people see, its a sense of this is how its meant to be, how im meant to be.

Thats not to say it always comes easily, it doesnt, have enough blog posts to demonstrate that lol, but when i do have times i struggle in respect of anything, with careful handling or a harsh reality check depending on the situation will depend on how he handles me,(he never has shouted at me or argued), i always acquiesce willingly in the end ...driven by the need i have to want to please him, and thats what makes me happy in the long run.

Imo being submissive or dominant is not what i consider a kink.

Kink itself being a sexual orientation, having looked up dictionary definitions...'a person's sexual orientation is defined by the gender to which he or she is sexually attracted' so that inclines me to want to say no, however one can be sexually attracted to certain acts, kinky acts.

S/m for example provides me with sexual gratification on its own, i dont need sex to be a part of it to be satisfied, im sexually attracted to s/m, as i am with other kinks.

People seek out kinky activities for sexual purposes, there need not necessarily be a relationship with the person who they are getting their kink from, its the kink itself that is what they are seeking, that they are sexually attracted to.

So im on the fence on that one.





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12 comments:

  1. Thanks for answering. I am the same as I feel more safe in a structured environment. But there is obviously a large sexual element for me too. I'm just always curious as to how people in the lifestyle label themselves and those outside do it for us most of time without a cute to what they are talking about.

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    1. Your welcome, always, gives me something to ponder on and to blog about lol

      Yes, i do find it interesting how people choose to define themselves/their relationship, and to the outside, well i dont think there will ever be a total understanding...its one of those situations i think, where you have to be in it to understand it.

      x

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  2. "I think some people are born with the nature of having submissive/dominant traits but that does not automatically mean they could or would want to be submissive or dominant in the context of being in a D/s relationship. "
    This to me sums up how I can be submissive in the bedroom, in a sexual context, but outside, it pretty much evaporates. I don't need the D/s aspect in day to day life.

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    1. Yes, i think there seems to be an assumption sometimes that being submissive or dominant implys its all the time...ie 24/7 and thats simply not the case at all.

      x

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  3. Once again I love your answer Tori, well said. I think your first paragraph sums it up well and I agree.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. thank you Roz, its a difficult one..its the argument between nature versus nurture, and i think its simply a combination of both.

      x

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  4. Agreed.
    And you put it all so very well.

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    1. thanks Bleuame, its nice to see you around posting :)

      x

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  5. love your writings Tori....as others have said you sum things up wonderfully...smiles

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    1. thank you blossom

      come to which, havent seen a post from you in a while, hope all is well

      x

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  6. Great answers. I think the inclination for being one way or the other is natural for many. However, I believe environment and experiences when we were younger help form our ways more than being "born this way".

    Hugs,
    Kathy

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    1. thanks Kathy

      Yes i think nurture plays a huge part, the influences in our lives to contribute to moulding us.

      x

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