Thursday 5 March 2015

D/s to M/s

A question from collared mum http://chasingmechasingyou.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/question-and-answer-round-2.html?zx=e2a74921c6d92f09

"How did you and Bossman get into your Master/slave dynamic?  Did you start in a 'regular' D/s and escalate?

We started as D/s, from the beginning, we have never been vanilla in our relationship having met through a bdsm website, quickly moving to real time.  I suppose one has to question what the difference between D/s and M/s is? i can only give my personal opinion on this.

Its a subtle difference i think but yet being contradictory its also a big difference, for me being his slave is not being how i imagined/thought and even wanted it to be, our M/s is based on how he wants it, and therefore his expectation of how his slave should be, which yes came into conflict with my ideas etc...tough!

Initially i had more of an input in our relationship, i could say no, there was not the extent of control over me then that he has now, but he exerted more as we went on, it just became apparent within a year maybe a bit longer that i needed more, he wanted more.

We discussed it, talked about expectations from both sides, and so the new journey began, i think enslavement in its entirety is a gradual progress, rather than waking up one morning with the "yay im a slave" train of thought, one needs to be realistic in their expectations of each other.

As his slave, its really pretty simple, to be obedient, pleasing and respectful, well it should be pretty simple...sometimes i fail, but mostly, and i dont give myself enough credit, i do bloody well lol, coz he is very demanding on what he expects from me.

If i was forced to put a label on our relationship i would define it as Owner and property and sometimes i need the reminder of that, especially if things go off kilter, which it can do.  I thrive on being strictly controlled, even though sometimes i try to fight it, its those times that i need it the most.

For me slavery is less about the physical aspects and more about the mental, adapting to the mindset of being focused only on pleasing him, overcoming my own worries, fears etc and just obeying without thought.

All, everything i am, is his, it can be difficult at times, but i wouldnt want it any other way, im of the mind that if it all comes to easily all the time then i wouldnt be being pushed enough, and i want/need to be to, to better myself and for him.










14 comments:

  1. that was beautiful tori and very well said. It seems that a D/s relationship, even a FLM, is indeed a gateway to a M/s relationship. That's a good thing. the natural progression fro one to the other can only happen when the respective needs of both people are truly being met. Then, it's a beautiful love story.

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    1. Thank you sub hub

      It is indeed a beautiful thing when both are on the same page, wanting the same thing, and of course it always come down to communicating.

      x

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  2. Loved this, so much. I do think it very much is a progression...at least it was for us and it was very much a shift in mentality...:-)

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    1. thanks Bleuame, its nice as always to 'see' you out and about lol

      x

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  3. Thanks for the response. As we progress it has been very helpful to hear the various origin stories and your mindset. It has been invaluable, so thanks.

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    1. your welcome,

      ultimately though we all do what works for the individual couples, we all have different needs etc

      good luck

      x

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  4. Great response tori, it is interesting how much this is all a journey and how much we find out about what we need, rather than what we think we want along the way

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    1. thank you julie

      Yes, there is a huge difference between wants and needs and they can be at times subject to change as we grow.

      x

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  5. Hello, I found this interesting and would like to ask some questions.

    How did your view of slavery differ with your Master's? Owner and property is a label that is quite sterile, is love a component in your dynamic? I particularly liked your comment of it not being easy all the time and nor should it be, could you expand on that?

    respectfully

    Cassie

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    1. hi Cassie

      I will answer your questions, further on.

      x

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  6. Hi Tori, loved this post, very well said! Thank you for sharing.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. thanks Roz

      its difficult sometimes to put things in such a way that it does not come across as 'this is how you should do it'

      x

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  7. So happy i found this post..great job. I very much agree...it is a progression, one that requires openness and trust..and that takes time to develop. I never could have imagined where Master and i are today...and if i had imagined i probably would have run for the woods, But turns out it is exactly where we both want to be. He has told me from the beginning that submission is not easy....
    hugs abby

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    1. hi abby

      thank you, as i said to Roz above, its difficult sometimes to write something that doesnt come across as 'being the right and only way'.

      yeah i would have probably run away as well lol

      x

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