Via email....which i would like to say, before i forget, that although i certainly dont mind emails, at any time not just for q&a month, im terrible for not checking junk folder and sometimes they go in there, not that im saying your email is junk! blame Google they must not like your dirty talk lol
(i have condensed the email down)
"I didn't like to comment on your post because I found it hot, I would love to be treated like that and I didn't want to upset you by being un-thoughtful and cause offence, I hope I'm not now. Is there any part of it that you found hot, even afterwards especially considering your a masochist? What made this punishment much more difficult or different than previous ones, what purpose does punishment achieve?"
(the post in question was the one where i wrote about the last punishment i got....still cant bloody link)
No offence caused at all, i perhaps would have not wanted to hear this at the time, as it was all so very raw, but i have myself read posts of others punishments and have thought....yummy...so i get it, i do.
Breaking these down
1) no i didnt find it hot, a turn on, or yummy at all, not at the time, afterwards and even now, which is unusual for me, every part of it was horrible. I had never been caned on the hands before, and it was really painful, it lingered as well, long past when the strokes were over, the whipping was with a whip i just hate, and cant handle at the best of times, and to top it all off was being put in the cage straight after, generally i love being caged a lot, but no, not then, not like that.
2) i think there is often this assumption that a masochist cannot be punished with pain, imo thats simply not true, although pain, even pain i dont like arouses me, nevertheless there is pain i dont want and dont like, but also and more importantly its the mindset one is in at the time that makes the biggest difference in how one processes the pain.
3) what made it more difficult/different? you know, i have thought about this myself, because i have had my fair share of punishments over the years, but none had got to me the way this one did.
The only conclusion i have come to is that we both needed it, rather than it simply being a case of me deserving it because of poor behaviour, things had been rough for a few months, a lot going on for me health wise and personal issues with family, he had a lot of work going on, and things started slipping, to the extent that it got to a point where he questioned my commitment to him, to us.
My behaviour was not as it should be, i was going through the motions, he was letting it slide, because i was going through a difficult time and although he had the best intentions, what i needed more than anything was to keep things normal, well normal for us.....and eventually it got out of hand, i intentionally disobeyed and lied to him, and i had never lied to him before, so something had to happen, to get us back on track, loosening the lead was a big mistake, i needed reigning back in...and being gentle about it wasnt going to work, it had gone beyond that point, he knew what i needed, whether i wanted it or not......and yes now i fully accept that.
so yeah, all that, i think is what contributed to making it the worst, it was just a build up of many things over a period of time, rather than it being just a punishment, it was a clearing of the air, we both needed to put things right.
4) what purpose does it achieve? it got me back to where i needed to be, not straightaway i will be honest about that, in general punishment for us, is about actions having consequences, being held accountable, i need him to correct me, im much more happier and content within strict, consistent boundaries so that when i do step outside of them, i need to know he will pull me back in.