Saturday, 29 September 2007

not long now

Sometimes it feels like i take 5 steps forward and 2 steps back, i havent been as attentative as i should have been whilst He has been away, some instructions i was given i havent given my full attention, i dont have any excuses albeit in the first week i was unwell but aside from that i should have focused on what was expected of me. I have found these last 2 weeks very difficult and have missed Him very much and He has been on my mind a lot so its not that i have put Him to the back of my mind. It has been difficult not being able to have the frequent contact that we usually have and i didnt want to taint His break away by informing Him too early that i have disobeyed Him and failed to do as instructed it didnt seem too bad a week ago but now the time is getting closer (He is home tomorrow night) its forefront in my mind.

When i received His text saying "I shall consider how to deal with your disobedience later" i knew that i had disappointed Him and its horrible how just that one sentence can make me feel sick not because of what He will do but because i have let Him down.

On a positive note though i will just be relieved to have Him home and back to regular contact and a week today we will be together even though i have a feeling im going to be firmly put back in my place which probably means a lot of discomfort. But i know i need it and want it especially as its been a while so as much as im aware some aspects are not going to be nice at all im not as anxious or as nervous as i was, well at the moment im not although i have no doubt i will be once He gets me inside the room i wander if i can distract Him with a nice cup off tea first i mean its a british thing isnt it? a good cup of tea makes everything ok..........hmm its worth a try

im so glad Your home Sir
i love You very much xxxxxx

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