Friday, 21 September 2007

so where does sex fit in?

I thought i would find this relatively easy to talk about because i am very comfortable discussing sex, it isnt something i consider the most important aspect of our relationship and i dont connect sex with intimacy it is a physical act the same as being whipped or caned is a physical act. It certainly isnt the most important aspect of our relationship although it features heavily especially as nearly always any sexual activity occurs during or after any s&m play which is an important aspect of our relationship. Where i am finding the subject difficult is im undecided whether or not i need any sexual activity myself during s&m, im inclined to say no because i can get the sexual "buzz" i crave from an activity i enjoy, for example being caned in a way i like satisfies my need for relief and i have at times come close to having an orgasm on pain alone so it wont surprise me when i actually do and i certainly find it easier and more intense to orgasm when pain is involved.

Naturally i enjoy having orgasms and am fortunate that very rarely am i denied if i should ask permission to cum, however this is usually when i am being physically stimulated to the point of orgasm anyway whether it be by Him or by me masturbating, without this direct stimulation though i dont have a need to orgasm to feel sexually satisfied. Another way of putting it is i am just as happily satisified by giving Him sexual pleasure whether this be by sucking His cock or being fucked in the ass or whatever else He may desire. But then i have considered what if He chose for whatever reason no sexual activity at all during or after any s&m play, how would i feel? i dont honestly know it would depend on the circumstances although as i said earlier because generally i get a sexual "buzz" from pain anyway i dont think i would be disappointed, and i cant speak for Him so am unsure of whether or not it has same effect on Him albeit in a different context being as He is the one giving the pain.

I do have though an obsession with sucking His cock it is definitley my favourite sexual activity, and i do tend to seek this more so after any pain, even with the upcoming punishment i have due one of my first questions was will i be allowed to suck His cock immediatley afterwards, but i have had conflicting arguments with myself over whether i should be allowed to or not. Of course i want to say yes because i love it and it would make the punishment less of an ordeal knowing that afterwards im getting what i want even though He may desire it also, but then i have to begrudgingly admit that its not a good idea, i think i need to realise for my own improvement that punishment should not be associated with any form of pleasure which at the moment i am. Im comforting and reassuring myself with the fact that i will get to suck His cock afterwards so therefore the punishment will be worth it, ultimatley its up to Him of course but i think personally and as much as it does pain me to admit it in order for the punishment to be effective i shouldnt be allowed any immediate pleasure afterwards.

In regards to sex and intimacy i dont as i said in the first paragraph put the two together, however there are some sexual activities that i am not permitted to do with anyone else most notably anal sex, this is something that is for Him only. As far as intimacy goes to me this is when im in His arms, lying in bed talking openly, He knows my every fantasy and desire, what i crave and what i fear and thats far important to me than sex.

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