Tuesday, 4 September 2007

have i progressed?

I have been banned from speaking to Dominants unless i have permission from Him, which i dont mind as i think it will avoid any unpleasantness and i do think it is a matter of respect that they should go through Him first. I appreciate that everybody may have different dynamics on how they work and what is acceptable to them, i have re-assessed how i think and how i see myself in terms of my relationship with Him and the values that are important to me.

Before we met it never occurred to me that i would want or need the level of submission that i have now nor did i anticipate that it would become a large part of my life, i have two lives one vanilla and one as slave to Him and i need them both equally. Its not always easy because of the distance and our situations however i try to focus on the postive aspects, it helps me that i do enjoy the mental aspects of submission not just the physical, i dont need to be whipped and fucked (as nice as that may be) to prove or demonstrate my submission to Him.

What is important to me is knowing the boundries of our dynamic, and i am motivated by wanting and needing to explore the mental aspects, in particular not just acting as a slave but thinking as one which will take time as i know i have a way to go yet. It maybe only little things but slowly bit by bit i realise that i have changed i very rarely if at all ask permission to masturbate when initially i used to a lot, it just seems to have happened i cant pinpoint when but i know why, i dont ask because its not for me to decide when i should have pleasure and i prefer it this way.

All in all i am happy with how i have developed i didnt imagine that this is where i would be six months ago, and i wander where i will be at in six months time, i certainly would like to be at the point where i dont put up any resistance and obey immediatley and ask for things i may dislike just to please Him.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you have had this new rule implemented in your training, it's very sad. Take care and best wishes