Friday, 14 September 2007

acceptance of being a slave

Over the last week events have occurred that has made me really think long and hard about going down the path of enslavement, can i be what He wants me to be, i debated with myself is it what i want?, am i ready for this? i had doubts moments when i just wanted to forget everything and walk away but i cant because it is what i want i think, as for being ready well im ready as i ever will be it wont be easy but then anything really worth acheiving rarely is.

Without a doubt i think i have been very fortunate to meet someone that is able to fulfil the needs i have and develop them and yes mould them to fit His needs, thats an issue that worries me, im scared that there will be no turning back.  Im scared because the level of control he wants and i know its not all going to be instant, but nevertheless in agreeing to this i am agreeing that "no" is not acceptable and a whole host of other things.

And i have asked for this, but what am i asking for? i mean thinking logically it cant be that difficult im submissive thats a good start and its ok mostly apart from when He gets all fussy about how he would prefer my submission!, i like a lot of kinky things and i dont need to do the things i dont like.  How much control can one person really have over another.  Im confused.

He said i can ask Him what i like but i dont know what i should be asking, and what is it with all the needing to know how i feel and what i think, i do not like being interrogated.  Time He says, it will take time to adjust, will be difficult He says at times, is He trying to talk me out it?

I thought i had it all sorted in my head, now im not so sure.

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