Wednesday, 19 September 2007


I have spoke to Master briefly which was nice and unexpected, i miss Him terribly and its made me realise how dependant i am on Him especially emotionally as i do have irrational worries sometimes and at these moments i need His reassurance that everything is fine even though i know it is. I got a rotten cold which has knocked the wind out of me usualy i can hold them off but this one has me beaten, im drugged up to my eyeballs which propably isnt a good idea since im in the classroom and in the office everyday but nurofen capsules are whats getting me through each day.

I have lost a bit of weight during the summer and am a little more happier with my figure as it is something that i do stress about even though Master has said He loves my body it is something im concious of, especially with the thought of meeting others im very insecure about myself and i just know i will be comparing myself with the other women i know this is wrong as it is my problem and i wish i could say i was happy with the way i am but im not. Im wandering if this is the main reason why i really want to be hooded or blindfolded as i then wont have to face anybody, i can hide behind the mask so to speak without the fear of having to appear confident when im not.

It does concern me that i have low self esteem because im aware that it does reflect on my behaviour and attitude, i tend to get very defensive over issues that are a big deal to me such as behaving/dressing like a slut in public its not something i have the confidence for, in private just the two of us yes but i know one negative comment from anyone and it would hit me hard emotionally, i havent the confidence to shrug it off it would eat away at me. I know that when we meet up and it comes to meeting the couple i will be a nervous wreck, already im getting anxious thoughts running through my head, what if they dont like me?, what if i do/say something wrong?, what if i dont like them?, what if i cant cope with it all? and this is when i miss Him the most because i cant express these thoughts via text open to misinterpretation and nor do i want Him to have any concerns whilst we have limited contact.

1 comment:

  1. tori,

    you will be all right when you meet the couple. I know they will like you and I believe you will like them. If you do something wrong it will be as always, you will be discipline in someway, that is what you expect as a slave to your Master is it not?

    Regarding your body, I do not know as I have not seen your body, either for real or in a photograph. However I do not believe that your Master would not tell you the truth, and him saying that “He loves your body” that tells Me that you have a very nice body. Maybe one day your Master will allow Me to see every square centimetre of your body to prove the point and I am sure I will not be disappointed.

    Your face is too pretty to hide behind a mask, and I know topaz thinks you are very pretty.

    Your missing your Master will make you feel lonely etc. Just remember He has gone to work so that His career progresses for the benefit of both of you. So He is doing the work for you both and that should make you feel good that your Master values you enough to do this work.

    Be peaceful