I dont seem to be doing so well over the last few days, it just seems that no matter what i cant do right its frustrating because the will is there but before i realise it i have said or done something wrong. I asked to be punished for my attitude which i found difficult because obviously im dreading the caning as it is and He decided i should be whipped on the breasts as well and i cant handle the whip very well.
Im wandering if im behaving the way i am because of the fact He is going away for 2 weeks and im finding that difficult, i think im also anxious about the weekend when we meet with this couple and along with the punishments which i do deserve it just seems to be a lot to face in one weekend and im scared i wont cope with it all at once.
I am though content and realise that i do need Him to be harder on me when necessary because i know that if i think i can get round Him once i will try it again and again, i need the consistency and more importantly i need to know that certain behaviour is not acceptable. I will however be much happier when the Saturday arrives and everything im not looking forward to is over and i have Him to myself and any activities we may do then although some i may find difficult is easier to handle because its not punishment, and hopefully will involve lots of the elements i do like.
On a change of note (i dont wont to dwell on the punishments anymore they have been decided so that is that), i have seen a gag i really would like at first it was the jennings gag but Master sent me some information on spider gags which are even more appealing. I like them simply because they hold the mouth open and as i like degredation my first thought was this gag would be great for watersports. I do struggle with the idea of watersports and although He pees on me and i have drunk a little i admit its not something i like i mean it doesnt exactly taste pleasant in fact its bloody disgusting. But this is where i do like the element of being "forced" when i saw the gag i immediatley thought it would be really degrading and humiliating to be in bondage, gag in and have to drink His piss well with that type of gag i wouldnt have a choice and thats exactly what i like it for and im intending on getting one and i cant see Him saying no to that.