Monday 18 March 2013

The road to hell is paved with....

Good intentions.

One of the more difficult areas for me is when im annoyed with the bossman or im struggling with aspects of my submission and/or our relationship, the only outlet i have is this blog and sometimes thats not enough.  On a positive note this is not very often, but like most relationships its not without its 'bumps in the road' occassionally.

I spoke to a close friend of mine back a couple weeks ago, she is a good friend and listened, and although she is privvy to some parts of how our relationship works its really only the basics and she sees it as kinky sex....i dont encourage her to think or see beyond that.

The problem is because she doesnt know the full extent of our relationship she cannot in all fairness understand, for her, hearing and seeing me upset because he wont let me do something for example provokes the feminist argument...you know the..what century is he living in!, he cant tell you what to do, i would not put up with that etc etc

And im caught, because i could try to explain the D/s aspect but that would open up a can of worms that im not sure she would understand...hmm no i know she wouldnt understand, and i dont want to hear him being run down either, it makes me defensive, of him, of us and our relationship.

But i cant backtrack, so i listen and the conversation flows, and there is this little voice in my head thinking "what if all she says it right".  Its not her fault, her opinions are based on her 'normality' and to be fair if i only knew what she knew and wasnt seeing the whole picture i would most likely be in agreement with her.

The reality is (although there may be exceptions) that generally the average person, vanilla, is not going to understand, its not a fault, even within the realms of ttwd im quite sure some dont understand the dynamic i have with the bossman.  There are dynamics i dont understand because i simply cant relate to them, some i can more than others but well it wouldnt do for us all to be the same and im all for getting different perspectives, thoughts etc.

During our conversation which was lengthy and indepth, she couldnt get her head around that i was being "told what i could and couldnt do" and was accepting it, off the top of my head i had said  "i just like pleasing him", that comment she later said (a few days later) disturbed her.  Thats what made me realise really once and for all that she couldnt understand, its wrong of me to expect her to understand, and i dont want to jepordise my friendship with her by trying to make her understand.

Thankfully we are good friends, although she still in her mind cant quite come to terms with the idea of me being submissive out of the bedroom ..being kinky was and is acceptable..she can 'get' that, i learnt that as much as i trust her and love her, its because i do that i wont expose her to what she cannot understand..its not fair on her or me.



























8 comments:

  1. I use the phrase: I need that in my relationship/from him, to thrive. (Well, more or less - English is not my first language).
    That way I, hopefully, convey that I am taking responsibility for my choice of partner/relationship. I don't go into detail, or explain a whole lot. I just 'admit' to having needs that are a bit unusual. I am a much better person when I have that extra control. And since I surround myself with people who wants the best for me, it's hard for them to argue with that.

    I still find it a little bit lonely sometimes..
    -aim

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It can be very lonely, have you considered keeping a blog, it can be a great way to interact and get one's thoughts down?

      x

      Delete
  2. tori,

    I have had this discussion with friends who are slaves. Often, they are upset because they cannot talk about the ups and downs of their relationships with their best friends. Vanilla people cannot comprehend what we do or why. I would never discuss TTWD with my best vanilla friends, it is a Pandora's Box I do not want to open.

    My friends in M/s relationships have a very special connection with their Masters that is rare to find in the vanilla world. I am so frustrated watching vanilla couples who are living out their lives without the deep "spiritual" connection we have with our Doms or Masters. Actually, often they have not connection at all sexual or otherwise.

    Vanilla people cannot comprehend the submission we provide, they are not wired emotionally to understand the power of a D/s or M/s relationship.

    I am very lucky because I have many kinky friends who feel the way I do. Within our group, D/s and M/s is normal and fun and powerful and connecting. We do not worry about judgement. However, as you state, some do not understand hard play.

    I am not giving advice or a lecture, I am just trying to explain how I feel about submission. We are very fortunate to have our blogs so that we can communicate to other like minded kinky people.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I absolutley agree with you joey, its just taken me a while to come to this same conclusion.

      The realisation that its not fair to expect someone who has no experience of ttwd to understand is unreasonable.

      x

      Delete
  3. When I have issues that need discussion beyond just me and Master, or the blog, I go to some of my on-line slave friends. We have a IM chat, which works generally to get my head back on right. Hearing from vanilla friends who don't know what I'm doing here would only confuse me worse, I think. I don't really discuss relationship with them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dont have IM (used to), my problem is well not problem, but my lack of confidence is that im weary of letting people get too close..which sometimes is a good thing but also i think causes me to miss out on potential friendships.

      x

      Delete
  4. my best friend is related to my sir - there is no way she would ever understand this dynamic and i have the same sort of issue with her...she things he is bossy and arogant and that i am a door mat and let him get away with far too much...i cant explain to her she just wouldnt get it but on the othr hand i hate listening to her talk him down like that and me for that matter, its a no win situation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Its difficult kiwi, perhaps more so for you as your best friend is related to your Sir, but as she does not understand or is even aware of your dynamic im sure from the outside looking in thats the way she sees it, of course you and he know differently.

      But yep i have learnt that its best to not go there!

      x

      Delete