"Sometimes surrender means giving up trying to understand and becoming comfortable with not knowing" Anon
Im so tempted to print that quote out, blow it up and stick it on the fridge.
I am a believer in questioning, but i do think there can be a point where one can over question and im guilty of that. I like explanations, answers, why we are like we are, what influences us to engage in the ttwd, what makes us submissive, what makes them dominant, what goes on in their heads, why do i like being hurt, why does he like hurting me.. etc etc
I want to understand so many things about M/s, tpe, dominance, submission etc...
When really as the quote suggests maybe surrendering to giving up trying to understand is the best way to come to terms with accepting that its ok to not know, maybe in accepting all of this i can just 'be'.
I can be exasperating with my eternal questioning, the bossman i think has a more it is what it is outlook, maybe its just a case of he has come to terms with who he is and what he likes and is comfortable with that.....and im not.....although i do believe im gradually getting there.
The bossman has said on a few occassions that i just need to let go and embrace who i am and what i enjoy, and i know he is right because when i do let my guard down i free myself of inhibitions, and im all the better for it.
We had a conversation similar to this yesterday. I was asking what does that say about me and he simply told me nothing it's just what you like and that;s ok. They seem to accept and not question it. Maybe it's a guy thing.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it is a mans thing, im not sure, maybe it comes down to confidence, experience? i do know that i sometimes over question so much i lose sight in what i do know lol
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Oh I think I need to take that quote way beyond the fridge--bathroom, fridge, above the bed, notes in my purse, windshield of the car maybe...
ReplyDeleteAlpha has much the same approach--he tells me it is what it is and you are what you are. Just accept it.
Which is totally correct...But it can be rather difficult to adopt as a way of thinking.
Maybe it just takes us time to get there?
Yep i think time plays a huge part...but how much time? lol
DeleteIts not like i dont think one should question, but rather when does it become too much!
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I've been stuck in this kind of loop recently (ok - more stuck than my usual mired down). It is oddly not getting me anywhere - maybe i'll take a copy of that for my fridge too.
ReplyDeleteYes being honest im still stuck in this loop, and im not sure its healthy for me because i end up questioning us (our relationship) when there is no need to!
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i'm with lil,. the fridge isn't going to be enough. how many times has BIKSS said the words "let it go" to me. When I'm overthinking things - ANYthing for that matter... that's what I need to remember.
ReplyDeleteIts so easier to say 'let it go' but harder to put into practice sometimes, in my case i wander if its an element of insecurity.
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I surrendered. After years of guilt and self torture because I denied my feelings, I gave up trying to understand. And, I am happy I did. I have met many in the scene who have felt the same way. I am lucky because I can surround myself with kinksters who just have fun and do not care about what society thinks. Just do it!
ReplyDeleteYou seem very content from reading your blog, and for the most part i am, its just this blasted need i have for questioning and making things more of an issue than they need to be that holds me back.
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