The road to hell is paved with....

Good intentions.

One of the more difficult areas for me is when im annoyed with the bossman or im struggling with aspects of my submission and/or our relationship, the only outlet i have is this blog and sometimes thats not enough.  On a positive note this is not very often, but like most relationships its not without its 'bumps in the road' occassionally.

I spoke to a close friend of mine back a couple weeks ago, she is a good friend and listened, and although she is privvy to some parts of how our relationship works its really only the basics and she sees it as kinky sex....i dont encourage her to think or see beyond that.

The problem is because she doesnt know the full extent of our relationship she cannot in all fairness understand, for her, hearing and seeing me upset because he wont let me do something for example provokes the feminist argument...you know the..what century is he living in!, he cant tell you what to do, i would not put up with that etc etc

And im caught, because i could try to explain the D/s aspect but that would open up a can of worms that im not sure she would understand...hmm no i know she wouldnt understand, and i dont want to hear him being run down either, it makes me defensive, of him, of us and our relationship.

But i cant backtrack, so i listen and the conversation flows, and there is this little voice in my head thinking "what if all she says it right".  Its not her fault, her opinions are based on her 'normality' and to be fair if i only knew what she knew and wasnt seeing the whole picture i would most likely be in agreement with her.

The reality is (although there may be exceptions) that generally the average person, vanilla, is not going to understand, its not a fault, even within the realms of ttwd im quite sure some dont understand the dynamic i have with the bossman.  There are dynamics i dont understand because i simply cant relate to them, some i can more than others but well it wouldnt do for us all to be the same and im all for getting different perspectives, thoughts etc.

During our conversation which was lengthy and indepth, she couldnt get her head around that i was being "told what i could and couldnt do" and was accepting it, off the top of my head i had said  "i just like pleasing him", that comment she later said (a few days later) disturbed her.  Thats what made me realise really once and for all that she couldnt understand, its wrong of me to expect her to understand, and i dont want to jepordise my friendship with her by trying to make her understand.

Thankfully we are good friends, although she still in her mind cant quite come to terms with the idea of me being submissive out of the bedroom ..being kinky was and is acceptable..she can 'get' that, i learnt that as much as i trust her and love her, its because i do that i wont expose her to what she cannot understand..its not fair on her or me.