The last post gave a blast into my past and well as its question and answer month which i did not know until reading lil's post, it seems apt to reflect on what was then to now as it was asked (see squirrel and joey, i can do as im told lol).
Im certainly more confident in my submission now, although i certainly dont think im naturally submissive, i am to him and thats whats important, its been an upward struggle and i havent always gone about things the easy way....and i still find it amazing that he has stood by me and perservered when i have resisted against him.
He isnt an easy man still to get close to, i know he loves me but its rarely expressed verbally, this is the longest relationship he has had so i can assume im doing something right lol, i make him happy and thats good enough....i more than make up for his lack of ability in displaying emotions apparently!
I dont think of his ex's in the respect of comparing myself to them, thats his past and this here and now is our future and things are great, i still want to pinch myself sometimes that im living this and i consider myself very lucky that i have him....even if sometimes he wanders what he let himself in for with me!
There are still times, more often than i like to admit that i dont think im giving him all that he wants/needs, but im more at ease with my masochism albeit its no match for his sadism the difference is now i seek it out and crave his cruelty whereas before it frightened me. He can be very emotionally detached when we have played hard which is something i still struggle with, he is quick to deal with physical aftercare (tending cuts etc) but well yeah i dont want to make him out to be a complete bastard but at times he has scared me with his coldness afterwards...tears and begging dont move him not in the sense of when its s/m based if anything they inspire and turn him on more.
I do always get cuddles and reassurance at bedtime.
I still get terribly insecure especially when he is really super busy which seems to be a lot, his work is very important to him and i respect that but it does get difficult for me to not work myself up and get demanding when its at these times he could really do without it.
I dont question his being faithful to me.....i think he rather likes being attached to his balls to much to go behind my back...besides if he wants a bit of variety he knows it would turn me on to watch him with another woman.
tori,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I have played very hard with female Dommes who are very cold and some who are very "warm." For some individuals, they need to detach themselves when they are playing hard with someone. I know it is hard for me emotionally to play hard with a good friend. But, the best Tops I know can be ice cold when spanking someone in very hard play. When I talk to my female bottom friends after the session, I found that they were really turned on by session.
For me, the play sessions I have had with a coldly sadistic Domme were more of a "turn on."
An experienced Dom/Masterr knows that being detached "scares" the slave. They want the slave to wonder how far we he will go to inflict pain. They know this is what turns the sub/slave on.
I know that I would have to detach myself to play very hard with a friend.
Hug,
joey
That makes a lot of sense joey and its nice to get another perspective so thanks.
DeleteIts funny but yes your spot on in many ways his detachment turns me on and yet other times i find it disturbing.
x
Detachment is scarey but it is also a turn on at the same time. If it was like that every time that would be something one would struggle with it for sure. That being said our favorite play sessions are ones when he is getting true enjoyment out of causing pain and humiliation and the crying and begging is just ignored.
ReplyDeleteWe all get insecure when they get busy, that seems to me to be a pretty common denominator in these types of dynamics.
db
actually, i think detachment in a relationship of this kind where love is involved is vitally important. Though I am sure it can be difficult at times too. I know my Sir has to "switch off" at times when Im bawling and begging for him to stop. Though I would find it very hard to cope with if he was detached all the time...but everyone is different...im a very emotional touchy feely lovey dovey sort of person with my husband and I need that back from him....luckily i get it :)
ReplyDelete