Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Well

Im struggling at the moment to remain focused, im slipping back into old habits that i thought i had long since moved on from....and i let it get on top of me rather than address it.

and well im English you know..that old stiff upper lip mentality....too proud to admit that i need help or rather simply just to admit that im finding things hard....because to admit so would be weak, and im acting out.

My tone has not been respectful, demanding what i think im entitled to.

and i dont listen very well...or rather i listen but i dont really listen.

and he only has so much patience when i get attitude.

I should not read more into what he says, he warned me he was and would be extremely busy and distracted and it had no bearing on us..i should trust what he says and believe in it.

and im sorry.
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12 comments:

  1. Unknown5 March 2013 at 20:24

    dear tori. I've been checking in all afternoon to see if you were okay. I'm glad things are on the right track. Sounds to me like you have a very smart Master. Who cares deeply for you.

    Thanks for sharing.

    -aim

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    Replies
    1. tori6 March 2013 at 11:29

      hi aim mia

      Things are getting there, its that whole situation of having bumps in the road and im at a bump.

      He cares, i know he does, i just need to work on my insecurities

      x

      Delete
  2. Unknown5 March 2013 at 20:32

    Well I'm glad this is sorta worked out.

    Once that attitude starts flowing, for me at least, it's hard to stop and a shit storm just ensues after.

    Take a breath. It'll be ok.

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    Replies
    1. tori6 March 2013 at 11:30

      oh yes thats it exactly..sometimes when i get going i cant let up until its all been expelled..but its only because i have let it build up!

      thanks

      x

      Delete
  3. Anonymous5 March 2013 at 21:18

    I am glad that you are OK.

    Big Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
  4. Fondles5 March 2013 at 21:56

    good to hear you're better... I tried emailing you but got a message send failure response... that's not the first time either... you wanna check your email address?

    And you know, if they say it's got no bearing on us, we really should learn to accept and let them be. Cos sometimes work (or other stuff they're committed to) can be a right b*tch.

    It's hard, i know. I want to always be in front too.. or else my auto-reasoning starts in with the "you're not good enough" tirade... something we've been working on kicking this past year.

    *hugs*... write if you want to ramble.

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    Replies
    1. tori6 March 2013 at 11:31

      thanks fondles

      Yea i thought i had removed the email from my blog but something must have gone wrong...im not that great with working my way around blogger..even after all this time lol

      thanks

      Delete
  5. Dee6 March 2013 at 05:00

    Letting things get on top of us and kidding on to everyone around that all is fine, is pretty common I think :/
    Hope things are better tori.

    Dee x

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    1. tori6 March 2013 at 11:32

      yes Dee that is spot on, i tend to put on that happy, smiley bouyant attitute to mask how im really feeling.

      Things are good...always start to be once you get things out in the open i think

      x

      Delete
  6. kiwigirliegirl6 March 2013 at 08:57

    i agree with Dee. i do hope you are feeling better. i so understand your stiff upper lip mentality, being english myself...it can sometimes be our worst enemy.
    HUgs Kiwi xx

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    Replies
    1. tori6 March 2013 at 11:33

      Isnt that the truth kiwi, and it all can be avoided if being a but more open and not letting things build up.

      x

      Delete

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