Maybe i shouldnt give my posts obsecure titles because i cant find the post im looking for..or maybe i have just got a terrible memory, but im sure i wrote about something similar to this not long ago, or maybe i didnt..i honestly sometimes think this blog is a perpetual loop, but the more i learn, experience..my opinions change.
Happygurl asks...and yes i know i have taken my time in getting around to answering this...sorry.
"what makes you submit to things you really dont like? why not have them as hard limits?"
Trust is the simplist answer.
Because this is sometimes a topic that can cause umm whats the word im looking for .... lets say it can be a sensitive subject depending on one's viewpoint! im going to start by saying this is all based on consent and its what works for us.
The bossman has limits and therefore they are mine as well, its about not holding anything back/denying him, however it also means him taking responsibility in what he may subject me to, by that i mean not intentionally subjecting me to something that would cause me harm long term (mentally as well as physically) in a way neither of us want. So that covers limits.
As a sidenote, i do believe everyone has limits, and although his are mine, it does not mean that he pays no mind to fears i have, somethings simply are a 'cant' (perhaps due to physical limitations or emotional anguish) rather than a 'wont'..its very important, and i will repeat it....it means being responsible.
On the right of my blog there in the list of popular posts one is titled bdsm room 101 (i dont know how it became a popular one, (i figured George Orwell fans might have got a shock on coming accross it!) but anyway that lists some things in bdsm that i really dont like (i probably should update it, its a few years old now i think) well one of the things on it is the dressage whip.
I dont like this particular whip, i dont handle it well at all, but because of how limits work for us, i am unable to have it as a hard limit, its one of a few things that i could quite happily dispose of, never to be seen again.
I submit to its use not just because i dont have choice (ie not a limit) but also because im motivated by the desire to please him, and simply not liking something is not a good enough reason to not submit. If i only submitted to the things i enjoyed, wanted, i wander if that is indeed submitting in the context of tpe?