Maybe i shouldnt give my posts obsecure titles because i cant find the post im looking for..or maybe i have just got a terrible memory, but im sure i wrote about something similar to this not long ago, or maybe i didnt..i honestly sometimes think this blog is a perpetual loop, but the more i learn, experience..my opinions change.
Happygurl asks...and yes i know i have taken my time in getting around to answering this...sorry.
"what makes you submit to things you really dont like? why not have them as hard limits?"
Trust is the simplist answer.
Because this is sometimes a topic that can cause umm whats the word im looking for .... lets say it can be a sensitive subject depending on one's viewpoint! im going to start by saying this is all based on consent and its what works for us.
The bossman has limits and therefore they are mine as well, its about not holding anything back/denying him, however it also means him taking responsibility in what he may subject me to, by that i mean not intentionally subjecting me to something that would cause me harm long term (mentally as well as physically) in a way neither of us want. So that covers limits.
As a sidenote, i do believe everyone has limits, and although his are mine, it does not mean that he pays no mind to fears i have, somethings simply are a 'cant' (perhaps due to physical limitations or emotional anguish) rather than a 'wont'..its very important, and i will repeat it....it means being responsible.
On the right of my blog there in the list of popular posts one is titled bdsm room 101 (i dont know how it became a popular one, (i figured George Orwell fans might have got a shock on coming accross it!) but anyway that lists some things in bdsm that i really dont like (i probably should update it, its a few years old now i think) well one of the things on it is the dressage whip.
I dont like this particular whip, i dont handle it well at all, but because of how limits work for us, i am unable to have it as a hard limit, its one of a few things that i could quite happily dispose of, never to be seen again.
I submit to its use not just because i dont have choice (ie not a limit) but also because im motivated by the desire to please him, and simply not liking something is not a good enough reason to not submit. If i only submitted to the things i enjoyed, wanted, i wander if that is indeed submitting in the context of tpe?
Great answer tori. That makes perfect sense to me!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Fiona
thanks, sometimes i just natter away and hope it does make some sort of sense lol
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tori,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I have read most of your posts in your archive and I have found that you have continually grown and matured in your thoughts about tpe. So, I for one really find value in all the topics you write about even if they were dealt with by you in past.
Second, I like your answer regarding hard limits.
Hug,
joey
Thanks joey
DeleteYes i have grown a lot and thats why i keep the really old posts up even though some of them make me cringe..did i really think/say that! lol
thankyou
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This is an interesting question. For me it has to do with a couple of things- one - a force/control fetish. I get off on just the fact of being forced. Doesn't even really matter what the actual thing is- if he is making me do it, I'm excited. The other is the all or nothing aspect to my submission. I was very uncomfortable and unsure with only a partial submission. I needed to do it all the way or I was always doubting myself "Well, should I submit now, or put up a fuss?"
ReplyDeleteSo, we have the same sort of thing as you. Master has limits, things he doesn't want to do to me, and those are fine for me. I don't need more than that.
Yes i totally get the force/control fetish, i do enjoy the element of force but its dependent on the context, he prefers my obedience rather than having to use force..but for 'play' yes...god yes lol
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This makes perfect sense Tori. His limits become your limits by proxy, and that is how it has worked out for us as well (although it was not that way in the beginning). We can discuss something and one can and at times does express her reluctance to do something or have something done to her but just because she is uncomfortable with it does not mean it's not going happen. The truth of the matter is even though one might hate the action it is a big turn that He knows how much it is disliked but forges forward with doing it anyway. There is also a sense of satisfaction when the act is over, that it was done to please him. Hearing Good Girl while one is submitting to something difficult really makes it all worth while, it's done for him but it's what one strives on as well.
ReplyDeleteYes that pretty much is how i feel, we trust that the dominant will be responsible, its not about ignoring how i feel about something, but rather discussing and getting to the bottom of why i may have a fear of xyz.
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Yes, perfect sense. That's part of the thrill of submission-- not being in control, even if it's something you don't handle well... you really walk that line well, and I have so much admiration for the strength of your relationship and bond.
ReplyDeletehello RR and thankyou.
DeleteAbsolutley, i need to know that i have no control, i trust him to act in what he considers is for the best and knowing that when he does the intent is never to intentionally cause detrimental harm.
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Exactly right, tori. If you only submit to what you like, how is it submission? I believe that for submission to occur, there must be at least some element of non-desire to the action that one is submitting to.
ReplyDeleteYes i cant argue with that, its a difficult idea sometimes i think for some people to get their hands around...mostly 'submissives'...they want to be controlled/dominated up until they are confronted with something they dont want to do...then comes the real testing times.
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