Sunday, 24 March 2013

Searching for the end of the rainbow

So i know im not great at admitting to having struggles, but i did and well it was ok (alright i did have that one anonymous comment and an email) but it was a relief, just to get it out that actually sometimes, although thankfully not often, i hit a wall and it all just seems so difficult and confusing. 

I remember reading one of lil's posts and some paragraphs resonated with me, particularly as it was around this time that i was having personal conflict.

"I occasionally come across blogs that are all sunshine and roses--I move right along. Call me cynical if you want, (Alpha does) but life isn't all rainbows and roses.
It, quite literally, takes plenty of shit to grow flowers.

When I see my blog described elsewhere, it is most often with some variation of "lil's struggles speak to me." Not an award winner for perfection perhaps, but I think we all struggle sometimes, and pretending that we don't doesn't help us grow."

Im by no means belittling blogs that are always positive and happy, would rather that than all doom and gloom, but i do tend to lean towards blogs that let people have a glimpse of when it is difficult, when it is a struggle, those that are living it through the good times and the not so good times.

They are the ones i recommend to those looking for a more realistic insight into this lifestyle.

Im not a newbie, nor have i been doing this for decades, but im past the 'sub frenzy' stage, i have been through the realisations of separating fantasy from reality, so when i get mail critiscising me for potraying ttwd, specifically M/s in a negative light because it shouldnt be difficult and im putting off those interested in tpe that may come accross my blog, i find it insulting.

In fact i will go as far as saying im making it more realistic because im opening up about the difficult times, no im not saying that my relationship is the blueprint for how it should be, but please if you want the fairytale versions of ttwd and all that it encompasses reach for your kindle.

cynical i may be, although it could be said its being more realistic!


















Posted by at

26 comments:

  1. Mrs. D24 March 2013 at 16:38

    Well said tori. If the only thing people learning about ttwd saw was smooth and easy they would be intimidated and feel as if they were failures. I appreciate that you share the bumps in the road- it's reality and that in some way is comforting to someone just starting out. Fictional stories are great, but they're just that- fiction.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:13

      Thanks Mrs D, i have been editing this post on and off since Friday, unsure of whether it would cause offence and then i just thought sod it lol

      x

      Delete
  2. DelFonte24 March 2013 at 16:43

    Hi Tori,
    As a well established blogger I think you shouldn't give a toss what others think your blog is about. It's your domain and an honest expression of yourself - warts and all.
    I do mix fantasy and reality on my own blog but in my mind they are clearly separate and service different purposes. I almost started two blogs not one; still don't know if I should have or not.
    I'm still finding my way and I haven't found a way to express my doubts and issues out there in blogland yet - call me shy. It takes courage to be honest about your own feelings and struggles. So if you want to portray your view of TPE, you should or else we're left with the rosy world of fantasy - much as it thrills the reader, it isn't the real world.
    DF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:20

      Hi DF

      Thanks.

      It is difficult sometimes to put down ones feelings and thoughts because we are exposing ourselves and letting people in, and its scary!

      Im slowly getting more confident, because honestly im not really a confident person, i do tend to fret about how im perceived.

      x

      Delete
  3. ancilla_ksst24 March 2013 at 16:50

    I love the reality in your posts. If I want to read fantasy, I pick up a book. I read blogs mostly to hear about real life, and how other slaves and submissives deal with it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:22

      Thanks ancilla

      I dont mind the odd bit of fantasy, but i do like blogs that make me think, question and encourage healthy debate.

      x

      Delete
  4. Unknown24 March 2013 at 16:52

    Rainbows and roses is not for me. Life in general isn't rainbows and roses.

    I appreciate the honesty and realism that you share with all of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:24

      thanks yearning

      Unfortunatly no life isnt like that, its great when it all going well and mostly yeah it should be otherwise i would have concerns but well yeah sometimes there are blips lol

      thankyou

      x

      Delete
  5. submissive jo24 March 2013 at 17:23

    This blog has helped me to know that i am not the only one who hits the wall. Its lonely when you're the only one going through shtuff.

    So i would like to thank you for your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:25

      Thankyou Jodi and welcome

      Have you thought about writing a blog yourself? it is a great way of interacting and learning more etc and its a good little community here.

      x

      Delete
  6. Sarah24 March 2013 at 17:46

    I love what lil said because it does take "alot of shit..." I too, would rather read "real life" blogs than all "sunshine and roses" - and not just in ttwd blogs. After spending way too much time reading a certain (vanilla) sunshine and roses blog, I realized how much it was bringing me down. Even though she is funny and witty, she never talked about the difficult times in life. I thing you need a good mix - something you handle just fine!
    Instead of taking up too much space commenting, I'd like to link this post to my blog - if that's ok.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah24 March 2013 at 17:48

      (second sentence from the end): I *think* (not I thing) Why can't I proof read BEFORE I publish?????

      Delete
    2. tori24 March 2013 at 21:27

      thanks st

      I tend to not read much of blogs that are all sugary sweetness, im sure they have their moments but choose not to reveal them and i respect that but i also find it restricting.

      Sure i dont mind you linking.

      thanks

      Delete
  7. Fondles24 March 2013 at 18:52

    i'm with you.

    i'm quite happy to share whatever's happening with me/us, if it's all flowers and rainbows, then fine. but you're gonna see some sh*t once in a while too!

    *cheers*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:28

      lol the shit is needed i think sometimes to demonstrate the reality of the good times...life isnt all flowers and rainbows indeed.

      x

      Delete
  8. Anonymous24 March 2013 at 19:02

    I tend to only write about positive things in my blog, but I assure you that life is not all sunshine and roses. I have had many struggles with my kink and in the vanilla world.

    I really like your honesty and courage, you share both the ups and downs of life.

    Hug,
    joey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori24 March 2013 at 21:30

      thanks Joey

      I know from what you have said, its not without its struggles for you.

      I think really my point was about having judgement made on those that do speak of struggles etc and it being deemed wrong to bring them up.

      Its nice to see all aspects on occassion.

      x

      Delete
    2. Anonymous25 March 2013 at 00:08

      I agree with you. I find it encouraging to know that others struggle with certain aspects of kink and have to courage to write about it.

      I think that it makes the blogger more human.

      Hug,
      joey

      Delete
  9. June24 March 2013 at 22:36

    I think there are parts of us that some people may perceive as all pollyanna. I don't find it difficult to follow his lead (till it comes to self image stuff and abandonment fears - sigh), but while we keep each other in a positive light. We don't get too personal, but we sometimes share struggles because, as you said, it's real, and seeing how others get through a situation helps us when we struggle with the same thing, or gives us talking points, and helps elucidate our feelings to help us get through something similar.

    (((hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori25 March 2013 at 21:20

      Thanks June

      Ahh but i do enjoy your blog because you discuss real issues, topics that are relevant to a lot of what occurs in ttwd.

      x

      Delete
  10. mouse25 March 2013 at 01:13

    Dunno if mouse could only write about the good stuff all the time. Now, she does try to look for positive things...sometimes it's just impossible. Or it feels impossible. It seems to go in cycles of ups and downs...like life is.

    Hugs,
    mouse

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori25 March 2013 at 21:21

      I try to write about the good stuff because mostly it is but i would be kidding myself if i didnt acknowledge that sometimes yes there are cycles of ups and downs.

      x

      Delete
  11. Storm25 March 2013 at 02:32

    The concept of "putting people off" by talking about one's struggles is...It's absolutely ludicrous to me.
    Because really? If one of us having a bad day makes someone decide that ttwd isn't for them--then it really wasn't for them! While I do think that it's probably overall healthier to focus on the positive than the negative events in life, not all days are good no matter what context we are talking about.

    And while I adore fiction to the point of my kid betting me I couldn't make a book last three days, that's not why I read blogs either. Fairy tales are awesome, and that's what my precious books are for.

    Nothing wrong with highlighting the good stuff, but I think that Only talking about those things is far more of a disservice than talking about the struggles--what happens to the curious explorers who only read the fairy tales when they take the plunge into power exchange and expect everything to be easy?

    Okay, I think my rambling has gotten out of control here lol. so I'll scurry off with one last thought--I adore and appreciate your lack of sugar coating.
    Thanks for the shout out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori25 March 2013 at 21:24

      you ramble away lil its not like i can complain considering how my comments can equal a chapter in a book lol

      Yes i agree talking about the good stuff is fine but yes i absolutley agree it would be misleading those curious explorers if they thought it would always be easy.

      But then there is that element of ...sometimes you have to experience and go through that phase to actually realise that its not easy.

      Ok now im off another tangent!

      x

      Delete
  12. Anonymous25 March 2013 at 10:34

    i'm with everyone else, tori, i think being realistic is so important. So far, my blog's been really positive, i think, but i'm pretty sure that's subject to change at any moment!

    sofia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tori25 March 2013 at 21:25

      thanks sofia

      Yes they are a great bunch arnt they, the good stuff is good but sometimes its beneficial to talk about when its not....not just for readers but for ones self really.

      x

      Delete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)