I started off writing a lovely jolly post to distract from the recent ones and as i was writing i realised that i was doing what i normally do on here and behind the scenes, hiding. So i delegated that post to the abyss which is the draft folder because what i have learnt this past week would be meaningless if i didnt acknowledge it....for me.
It just simply does not pay to 'close down' but its ok if and when it happens, what sort of dominant, man and person would he be if he threw the towel in when i struggle? not one that would be worth having struggles with in my opinion.
I dont need to feel ashamed, to feel like im a failure when i stumble, i know he will pick me up and put me back on my feet again, the ways in which he might 'pick me up' might not seem appropriate, caring or considerate to the 'outside looking in' but i trust that he knows whats best for me..and thats something i lost sight of, it took a nudge (thankyou) to get that back into my sight again.
Its ok to not agree with him on every decision, choice he may make, he doesnt expect me to all the time, and on the times i dont mostly it doesnt turn into anything, might have a little grumble but he stamps any potential sign of it getting out of hand straightaway....sometimes the grumbles slip past him and they escalate.
I learnt a lot more, about myself, revelations that its ok to reach out for help and in doing so doesnt make me weak, and more but thats staying behind the scenes.
Today was a better day than yesterday.