Saturday 9 March 2013

Behind the scenes

I started off writing a lovely jolly post to distract from the recent ones and as i was writing i realised that i was doing what i normally do on here and behind the scenes, hiding.  So i delegated that post to the abyss which is the draft folder because what i have learnt this past week would be meaningless if i didnt acknowledge it....for me.

It just simply does not pay to 'close down' but its ok if and when it happens, what sort of dominant, man and person would he be if he threw the towel in when i struggle?  not one that would be worth having struggles with in my opinion.

I dont need to feel ashamed, to feel like im a failure when i stumble, i know he will pick me up and put me back on my feet again, the ways in which he might 'pick me up' might not seem appropriate, caring or considerate to the 'outside looking in' but i trust that he knows whats best for me..and thats something i lost sight of, it took a nudge (thankyou) to get that back into my sight again.

Its ok to not agree with him on every decision, choice he may make, he doesnt expect me to all the time, and on the times i dont mostly it doesnt turn into anything, might have a little grumble but he stamps any potential sign of it getting out of hand straightaway....sometimes the grumbles slip past him and they escalate.

I learnt a lot more, about myself, revelations that its ok to reach out for help and in doing so doesnt make me weak, and more but thats staying behind the scenes.

Today was a better day than yesterday.







13 comments:

  1. The being or seeming weak is what I really struggle with.

    I am going to say thank you again. I know writing here is for you but I hope you know that what you put out here, the hood, the bad and the ugly is greatly appreciated.

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    1. That should be "the good" :)

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    2. Thanks yearning,

      yes i do write for me mostly, but if it helps anybody in anyway then thats a good thing, i read blogs that help me, they give me different perspectives etc.

      The lows have as much relevance as the highs.

      x

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  2. Humor is my go-to issue avoidance mechanism...

    I am glad to hear that today was a better day than yesterday.

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    1. yes humour is what i hide behind....sometimes it works!

      thanks lil

      x

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  3. Thank you for sharing the details of your journey. It takes courage to do so.

    I am also glad today was better than yesterday.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thankyou joey....for me it was a fairly big step as i so do not like getting into indepth feelings!

      x

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  4. I'm glad you are having a better day. Hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

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    1. thankyou ancilla and yes today was better...its progress....good steady progress

      x

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  5. I;m glad you're having a better day today. This week seemed like a rough one for you. It's good that you reached out for help, we all need help sometimes and there's nothing wrong in asking for it.

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    1. Thankyou Mrs D

      Its certainly not been one of my better weeks and gosh have i had some realisations this week and one of the biggest was being ok in reaching out for help.

      x

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  6. Glad you had a better day and that you are learning about yourself. Hugs to you tori xx

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    1. thankyou Joolz

      Sometimes its odd to think that no matter how much we think we know ourselves..there is still more to realise.

      x

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