Anna May wrote an interesting post http://ownedlittleone.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/degradation.html regarding her conflicts with being degraded, and i could relate to much of what she spoke of.
I think when we use terms such as being degraded, humiliated and objectified they conjur up negative conotations, but i think its about context, one of the wanderful things about ttwd is how what many people would consider negative and damaging in a relationship in ttwd they can be interpreted differently. They can be enjoyed. Of course its very personal to the individual, triggers, turn-ons and offs.
Being called a slut, whore, bitch etc can be exciting for some, not for others, am i a slut? for him yes...but i dont sleep around with others, am i a whore? no, but he can treat me like one (ooh i could make money out of this..what is the going rate for a blowjob?), its about context rather than reading into the literal sense of what the words mean.
I make no secret of my love of humiliation, degradation and being objectified, i also appreciate that its not something everyone can relate to, even within the ttwd community.
But what makes something degrading? who decides that something is degrading?
Being spanked otk is a common practice within ttwd, its seen as very acceptable, erotic and there is little or no judgement on those that enjoy it. I do not like being spanked otk, to me it is degrading, im not a child and i do not want to be treated as one, on the times he has spanked me otk (thankfully its on very very few occassions) i have found it distressing and mortifyingly embarrassing..just humiliating....it makes for a good and apt punishment especially if he deemed my behaviour childish!
Its fair to say i think that for many spanking otk (i stress the otk part because that is specifically what i dont like) it is not considered degrading, hence why i believe that degradation is how one percieves it and therefore makes it personal to the individual.
Public humiliation is a turn-off for me, to go out wearing 'slutty' clothing and looking like a common tart is something i would find degrading if he expected this of me, going out without wearing knickers im not too comfortable with! On odd occassions when we have been in the car, he has had me pull my skirt/dress up to my waist exposing myself just for his amusement at my discomfort..i hate it and will protest...it takes me way out my comfort zone. Its degrading in a way i cant get my head around.
Anna may posed lots of questions about her thoughts on this subject and this paragraph got my attention
"Then the lowest of lows is who would want such a woman? What kind of man could see such a woman as anything worthy?
How could one respect one who allows one to treat one so disrespectfully? How
could one be so disrespectful? How could one do such to another? How? Why? and again WTF"
The degradation i enjoy has been built up over the years we have been together, i havent and have no desire to do these things with anyone else (there are a few exceptions) they are as intimate to me as sex is to many people, i would rather have sex with someone else (and i have no interest in that) than let someone else degrade me in the ways he does.
In many ways i do lack self confidence, but oddly degradation has never made me feel unworthy, or made me feel disrespected, at the time yes...thats what i want, crave, but on a whole, as a person..no. Quite the opposite, it has the effect of stripping away the ego, the 'walls' get torn down, inhibitions are gone, nothing else matters other than him and me..im completley exposed and vunerable to him...it makes me feel alive, strong.
In *those* moments i dont care about perceptions of it being right or wrong, its not dirty, its not degrading, and he never has made me feel that he has no respect for me or that im unworthy, he loves me all the more because i can embrace this.....its the more 'mundane' things i need to work on!