I want to for my own mind and to clarify some points that were brought up in my last post.
Its not so much that im mortified with the fantasy becoming reality, its my reaction to it that has shocked me, because i have just not had these feelings of jealousy before, they are new to me. The actual fantasy of watching him with another woman still turns me on, i think it would be a very hot scenario.
When you start exploring fantasies, or as with any venture into the unknown then it needs to be talked about and discussed especially when it brings up forms of resistance, for me on this occassion it has brought up a lot of insecurities.
But i have been here before, a few times, i was adamant when we first got together and for a long while afterwards that there was no way on this earth i was getting sexual with a woman, it caused a lot of turmoil and distressed feelings, many indepth conversations into getting down to the root of the problem.
He wouldnt force a situation onto me if he had any doubts about it, of course he is human and doesnt always get it right, and in 7 years there has only been one occassion where it just was a disaster..and we both learnt from it.
Fear often is what holds me back, holds most people back i would imagine, and the only way to get past this is to really start examining (through communicating) where this fear stems from.
In this case ie with him being with another woman, my fears are irrational but nevertheless they are there,
I fear 'what if he prefers her to me', what if she is better than me', what if im just left wanting to tear her hair from her head'
These are very real feelings, but irrational, they are formed from a lack of confidence, jealousy (which im really struggling with) and the conflict that i know i trust him so why this conflict!
If its something he really wants then it will happen, but not before im in a better state of mind about it all, i have been with women a few times now and im no worse for it, no its not something im naturally drawn to but the excitement was in 'doing something i didnt want to do', it was about the control, which is a whole blog post in its own right!
"If its something he really wants then it will happen, but not before im in a better state of mind about it all"
ReplyDeleteI am heartened that you're such a shiny example of this lifestyle for all the newbies (myself included) out there in blogland.
i think you've hit it on the head, the nail that is, when you say it needs to be talked about, discussed.
irrational fears are all very real despite being well, irrational and crazy and illogical. they're still very much present. and i'm glad that you write what you do, so women (or men) who are looking at a ttwd / M/s / D/s dynamic are more aware of just how important TALKING is, despite wanting that control.
*3 cheers*
Oh thanks Fondles, i really do think it cant be stressed enough how important communicating is...(she says not being great at 'opening up') but its just as important to listen really listen as it is to talk..its often the listening part that gets overlooked.
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I cannot add much more to what fondles has written including being a guiding light for all of us with insightful and honest posts.
ReplyDeleteI have a play partner for serious BDSM play, I worry that she may move on despite assurances that she loves to play with me. Irrational, maybe. Insecurity, probably. But, the emotions are real.
Hug,
joey
thanks joey
DeleteI do think they are normal emotions borne from yes insecurity etc...the only way to get past them is to air them...ie talk.
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As a long time reader it is very clear that the bossman takes all your feelings into careful consideration before making decisions. That's how it should be and we know that's how it is.
ReplyDeleteIt may be kind of nice to deal with those feelings and see where they take you. Watching Daddy hurt another is something that entices me very much but if he said he wanted to do it.....not sure what that would bring out.
He does, doesnt mean what he wants wont happen, it just means that he takes on board my worries and puts them to rest...sometimes it takes time.
DeleteI really wouldnt like him hurt another, he has done and i have watched and i know i didnt like it lol
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I so get this. Well, not the jealousy being a new sensation bit, but the rest of it...
ReplyDeleteI had a feeling you might lol, thanks lil
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While I don't understand 'jealousy' perse, I can understand how something new and proposed is leading to these kinds of feelings. And your feelings certainly are valid. It sounds like your bossman is doing all the right things! :o)
ReplyDeleteSo...if jealousy is a new feeling, I would wonder: Is it really jealousy? Or is it the fear of the unknown? Is it touching on a little insecurity? Is it just the matter of having been cozy and comfortable and now the weird emotions that can sometimes come with a shake-up?
Thanks for visiting my corner of Blogland ;o)
I think you may well be right, its the combination of the unknown and the mix of insecurities which feels like a 'threatening' combination..and yes cause a shake-up.
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