A dominant or domineering man
These are my personal views.
The man is domineering, he has an air of self importance about him, the woman frets a lot, she is reluctant to purchase clothes for herself because he might not like them and she will have to take them back, after he has 'mocked' her for choosing something that he deems 'makes her look fat' or he doesnt think suits her...even though she may well look lovely in it.
He doesnt like her friends too much, he might say its because there not nice people and they are using her, there not really her friends, why would she want to mix with people like that!, she may well have been friends with them for years and he hasnt but he is only expressing his opinions because 'he cares' and doesnt want to see her being taken advantage of. So she doesnt see them so much because he gets upset and she understands (she thinks) that he is upset because he cares.
She has friends that are men, known them for years, they may well be happily married but the domineering man doesnt think it appropriate for married men to be so friendly with her, he tells the woman how can she be so gulliable and not see that there after a bit on the side, is she stupid? the woman doesnt want the aggravation so they dont mix with these other couples now....she thinks? how cute the mans jealousy is..is it jealousy?
The man expresses his 'concern' with what she reads, what she watches, what she eats, how much she drinks, where she works, he might suggest that actually she shouldnt work, maybe its best the woman thinks if only she reads, watches, eats and drinks what the man says is good for her..because as he says 'he knows best' and its because he cares. And maybe he is right that her job isnt right for her, to forget about going for that promotion because as he said "your not really good enough for it..but im only saving you from humiliating yourself"
The man does as he likes, when he likes but as he has explained to the woman he is more 'knowledgeable' and experienced about life and people, she isnt, and he wants to keep her safe, so the woman has these little niggles and moments of doubts when she is home alone and has no one to talk to, but she cant trust her own opinion because as he has told her time and time again 'he knows best', she isnt sure she is happy but then he is 'dominant' and isnt this what it is meant to be like.
tori,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very insightful post. I just had a long discussion with a Domme about this topic. A domineering person may be the polar opposite of a dominant.
Well said tori.
Hug,
Joey
Thanks joey
DeleteHonestly years ago i wouldnt have understood or believed there was a difference, actually what prompted this post is a relationship a friend of mine is in (vanilla) and well it was on my mind.
x
Thank you tori for that insight, sometimes it is hard to sort out the good from the bad, and when it does become apparent often damage is already done...leaving a sub more vulnerable, and more acceptable to fall into the same domineering trap.
ReplyDeletehi Anna
Deleteoh its a bloody nightmare and the thing is its easy to go in this route....it doesnt mean a woman is stupid, far from it but emotional abuse can be something that really plays a person, a 'bully' will know exactly what buttons to press.
x
You know, I'm a little worried that some women out there may NOT be able to decipher what you're trying to say.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you, of course, but I already know of women who fall into this category, and frankly, it saddens me.
I tried helping, but to no avail. So all I can do is pray that they see the light, or that someone ELSE manages to get thru to them.
It is a worry, and i did ponder over publishing this in case it may be interpreted in a way that was not intended.
DeleteUnfortunatley yes i have come accross women that fall into this category and really as sad as it is there is nothing one can do to a certain extent...they have to see it for themselves.
x
This was a very interesting post Tori and as you would probably imagine this hit home with me.
ReplyDeleteWe may disagree on this but while my Master is not Domineering he has some very Domineering traits that quite frankly are not very liked. Some of them we have worked through but others just lead to fights and when one feels she is not heard she freaks out in a disrespectful way resulting in a punishment.
Where it seems to get really confusing is where you draw the line. Does he pick clothes and food choices....absolutely yes which is something one likes and actually expressed an interest in when starting out. Would he put me down and belittle me, no he builds me up every chance he gets. Girlfriends, no problem with them although one might not always get permission to go out with them when it is asked for; but what really got to me was the men as friends thing. That paragraph is something that one could have written herself....word for word. It's a problem that nags at me relentlessly.
My point/question is what if you see both in the person. Not sure if there really is an answer other than you love who love and you take the good with the bad as long as there is more good than bad.
Fondles mentioned trying to help above and she spent a lot of time getting one through some pretty tough times. Things that had to be addressed up front which can be uncomfortable when you have already agreed to slavery. "Master me but do it this way because your way is just too over the top". It's a quandary.
Hope this makes sense, sorry about hijacking your blog.
hi ya dancing
DeleteI agree there can be a very fine line.
You have brought up some good points....ooh i feel another post coming on lol
Many subs enjoy having their clothing, food etc controlled, i enjoy some elements of that myself.
What i think makes a difference is the motivations for controlling, so what i was trying to get accross is that in the scenarios i gave the intent is to knock the womans confidence, to belittle them, to isolate them..that in my mind is not healthy.
that is not being dominant.
x
Tori you really nailed it. There is a world of difference between men who are domineering and those who are Dominant. But it can also be subtle...the lines between a very healthy bdsm dynamic to outsiders can look like that...
ReplyDeleteThe difference might lie with the woman and how that man makes her feel.
That said, very insightful.
Hugs,
mouse
hi mouse and thanks
DeleteYes thats true from the outside it can seem like this, it is i guess very much as you pointed out..how it makes the woman feel.
I think a healthy dynamic in my mind is about the sub flourishing and embracing the dominance/control rather than it be suffocating and lowering their self confidence/esteem.
x
Yes! Exactly. There are times when all those things you wrote could have at one time or another applied to mouse. But the negative feelings are what's absent. Sure during a scene Daddy might say things that at any time else OUTSIDE of our bedroom might be offensive or downright hurtful. But wrapped in that moment they're a complete turn on for mouse. Yanno?
DeleteHugs again,
mouse