Friday 5 September 2014

TGI Friday.......finding time......respect

From anon

"As a vanilla, who's interested in the lifestyle I wander how you manage a Master/slave relationship with kids in the house, especially young children who demand a lot of time and give you no privacy.  I'm also wandering if you have many specific rules and what they are (if you don't mind sharing) or a few general rules dealing with respect, safety etc.  Thanks"

There are many, many couples that are M/s or practise ttwd in general with a family in the house, so its doable, but thats not what your asking is it lol..how

Well for starters with my situation, my children are from a previous relationship, my Master has no children of his own, mine are aged 12 and 17 so not young children either.

I think its mostly about being sensible, and being cautious about what they are exposed to, but realistically, especially when they are older they are more aware than what one may think, of what is happening around them.  But the advantage of them being older, if they are picking up on something that concerns them or they are just curious about, then they know its up for discussion if they want, although i would be as sensitive as i could be about what information i gave, i would always be honest with them.

But one only has to mention sex, and well..no kid usually wants to hear about their mum/dads sex life.....because of course im old (38) and shouldnt even be having sex, let alone enjoy it!

Like any relationship with children, regardless of whether its ttwd or not, managing time together and privacy can be a hurdle at times, but its important to make time, we try to organise a weekend every month or so where we have it to ourselves, kids with their dad usually, so we get some well needed us time.

I have a lot of specific rules, but mostly its about being pleasing and obedient, but some that pertain to respect and safety are..

I should always speak to him with respect, not allowing my temper/emotions to get the better of me

I am expected to ask for something i might like, (there are exceptions, for example i am not allowed to ask if i may masturbate/orgasm) and if i receive a "no" im to accept that with grace (im still working on that lol) , a "no" is final, however a "perhaps" or "maybe" allows room for begging...he likes begging!  especially if i offer myself up to something i dislike and beg him to subject me to it

I address him as Sir or Master at all times when appropriate (i have actually never addressed him with his real name), serves to remind me that he is not a partner, lover or friend, although he is all of those he is my Owner first and foremost

I am to inform him if im not feeling well in any way

We dont use a safeword, if something is wrong that shouldnt be, i just say what that is, as a point of note in case it comes up, if im gagged/in subspace, it means he is that extra attentive, ie checking in with me often that all is ok.

Thanks for the questions.

























14 comments:

  1. Well said, tori.:)

    We don't use a safe word either.

    We have a mix of ages kid wise around here, and still manage to pull off being 24/7. It's how we live, in everything we do. :)

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    1. thanks

      I do think, well i know that it is manageable to pull it off with kids than people think.

      x

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  2. The same for us, dealing with life, kids and M/s is no harder than dealing with any other relationship and kids etc. In my opinion.

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    1. Completely agree, its not as though one would be doing kinky in front of children...i would hope.

      x

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  3. Ewww tori! You have sex?!?!?!?!? But you're a mom!!! Everybody KNOWS moms don't have sex!!!!! *shudders*

    *giggles*

    No seriously I love your approach to honesty with your kids ... more people need to do that.

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    1. I know....its shameful isnt it lol

      Yep, i agree, its always best to be as honest as is possible with kids, i want them to know that they can come to me with anything and they will get the truth.

      x

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    2. its astonishing how many people automatically assume that if you stop having sex after a few kids. Um, how do you think we've gone on having them?!

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  4. Great post Tori and well said! I also love your approach to being both sensitive and honest with your kids. I like that you try to arrange a weekend a month to yourselves. It's important to have that couple time in any relationship.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz

      Its so important, not always possible, but i think its too easy when having children to loose that connection as a couple, or rather it gets puts aside.

      x

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  5. So right about kids not wanting to know ANYTHING about parents' sex life (any parents in fact - not just theirs). On that front, many aspects are pretty easy to keep to ourselves. I have trouble imagining how to work in addressing him differently though. I very much see how a more formal way of addressing him - or a title - would work to help maintain roles - i can see it would be very good for me, or even both of us. But i can't see what i would call him if not his name that the boys wouldn't wonder about a lot. I refer to him by his name to all sorts of other people, i call him from another room to ask questions, tell him dinner's ready, find out where he is so i can go talk to him..... I would love it if you would talk about this more specifically - how it works for you, if you're willing and it's not too personal.

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    1. Yeah just have to mention sex and the conversation dries up lol....eww i wouldnt want to know about my parents sex life at my age, so i get it.

      Like i said on your blog, sorry for not getting to this earlier (im terribly behind) i think its just adapting to the environment and when its appropriate, it is easier than one might think, and eventually it just becomes second nature.

      He is boss which is my go-to name when necessary, and it works really well.

      Yeah it helps me a lot in keeping the balance, thats not to say i dont ever forget my place (for want of a better phrase) i do but it does serve to remind me of who he is.

      Im really not sure i have made much sense here lol

      x

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  7. I hope you don't find this stalkerish, but I went back in your blog to learn more about how your relationship developed. I have a son myself, he's five, and I'm interested in exploring this lifestyle but feel like this isn't really the right time. I'm pretty much on my own taking care of him, his dad lives on the other side of the country. I'm wondering what his feelings were on you having children and starting a M/s relationship? And more importantly how did you initially feel having young children and exploring the lifestyle? Also I noticed your relationship started out long distance, is it still that way after so many years or do you live together now? Sorry for the onslaught of questions! Love the way you write by the way :)

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    1. Not stalkerish at all lol

      The less i say about the kids dad the better!

      I didnt think my exploring this lifestyle and having kids was of any relevance to be honest, dont get me wrong their happiness etc is of most importance to me, but because its not something that i feel would effect them as in it being M/s i didnt pay much mind to it.

      No different i think than adjusting them to any new relationships.

      We came into contact with each other online, but was not really long distance, close enough to see each other regularly, before yes going 24/7.

      sorry i havent gone into much detail here.

      x

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