Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Constant control

Im going in order, and so this one is next

"I love reading about the relationship you have with your Bossman, what is it about being so strictly controlled that appeals to you so much? how did it start to get to where you are now?"

Its my first love lol.

To explain, being told what to do etc was what i first fantasised about, albeit it was centred around the bedroom, sex, the whole idea of a taking charge kind of man turned me on.

I wasnt so sure about it being outside the bedroom initially, but then it wasnt something that entered my mind, but when i first explored this in reality i discovered that it just wasnt enough being bedroom only.

I need and like consistency and being strictly controlled provides that, my reason being that from the start expectations are explained, expectations on behaviour, what is allowed, what isnt etc and they dont change, of course there may be exceptions and if this happens they are discussed, explained, but basically it helps establish stability within the dynamic ie i know where i stand, it prevents uncertainty on my part knowing he is not going to change his mind on a whim.

So in the beginning, he set out some expectations/rules, whatever you want to call them, not too many so to avoid overload but simply to set the ground works, also i think to see how i responded to them and perhaps more importantly to see if this was suited for me.

As our relationship progressed more would be added as and when he felt it was appropriate until such a time it all became the norm, and the rules/expectations all come under the umbrella of simply being obedient and pleasing because i should have a firm understanding by now of whats expected of me, what his preferences are etc.

Im finding it difficult to put a finger on how it exactly appeals to me, i think perhaps because its constant, always here, his control over me surrounds me all the time, regardless of whether he is with me or not whereas kink etc is something we do on occasions....if that makes any sense?

It makes me feel secure, i like having firm boundaries, and i love his authority over me....umm most of the time lol

Its funny though, but after a while, and we have been doing this many years now, it does all become so normal (whatever normal is!) that its not really noticed much, or rather its not such a big deal because its just the way it is.

Now im off to reply to comments before i get too far behind!


  1. Grest question and I love your answer Tori. Yes ... that wonderful feeling of security and knowing your boundaries.


  2. Great post! I too love the security and boundaries. I think the side benefit for me is just having peace within our home. There is no more struggle for power and that has eliminated all of our arguing. Not that I am always happy about things, but I cope the best I can and move on.

  3. "his control over me surrounds me all the time, regardless of whether he is with me or not whereas kink etc is something we do on occasions....if that makes any sense?"

    Makes perfect sense. Beautifully stated too!