As before, with Pride, im putting them in context of my relationship and dynamic type.
Anger.
I do get angry, with myself, and at the bossman, but its not a real anger, as in full of pure hate, and generally when i am angry its fleeting, i go off on one, get whatever is on my chest off and then im done.
Im not very good at controlling my emotions, i tend to go either full on with them, or i bottle them up.
When i do get angry with the bossman, which is not that often at all, he either walks away and refuses to deal with me/the issue until im ready to behave in a more dignified manner, or i get a hard slap to the face which stops me short.
He certainly wont engage me in a full on row, and we have never argued, not as in full on shouting at each other, he wont, his attitude is there is nothing to be gained from it, he is far more in control of his emotions in this respect than i am....which can be frustrating when im angry with him and i want some response, to shout back..but he doesnt, he is just so bloody calm about it....which grrr can be infuriating.
Thats not to say he doesnt get angry ever, he does, although usually its in relation to something else, work usually, he has been angry with me, but i can count on one hand the amount of times, unlike me he does not anger easily.
But as much as i find it infuriating, the fact that he does not shout at me, he never has, quickly diffuses me and the situation, so i think its good and important that the dominant is able to keep control of their anger/temper.
Also in respect of being dominant, using anger or being angry as a way to gain compliance is to me not very positive, having someone shout at me, or being aggressive is not going to create calm or encourage positive behaviour, you might well get obedience but if its through fear imo thats not healthy.
I agree that all of this should never happen in anger. Having said that, I also agree that it is frustrating when you are trying to get something important to you out there and yes sometimes a bit of screaming is important to you, and they refuse to engage. I think some of that has to do with the kinds of family we each grew up with. I never knew this, but apparently some families are "yellers". All the time.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, frustration aside (and I feel it too for the same thing), I also agree that later on it is always better when you don't actually yell at each other. Things can not always be unsaid.... Sounds like the two of you are good foils for each other.
Those are good things. My Master also does not shout in anger. He may get riled up with irritations (traffic, politics, stupid people) but when he's really mad he gets quiet and distant.
ReplyDeleteI love your last paragraph Tori, and totally agree. Rick is the calm one here too. It csn be frustrating when they won't engage, but I think it usually leads to a better outcome.
ReplyDeleteHugs
Roz