Tuesday, 21 August 2007

what you wanted

I wasnt sure if i should write here now feeling as i do, but as this blog was intended as an outlet to express my thoughts and feelings i am going to. He sent me a text asking me to prepare for Him in the bathroom for watersports purposes, which generally i enjoy so i didnt have any problem with this at all, i knew He was likely to ask me to drink my own pee. I have as of yet never done this and have only swallowed His once and that was difficult enough so it is a big issue to me however i know its something that would please Him. As i expected He did instruct me to pee in a jug and take a sip because i knew this was likely i had built myself up to it, i didnt like it but i was pleased with myself that had done it when a few months ago i wouldnt have, however that was enough for Him, He asked me to take a mouthful and i couldnt and wouldnt i took 2 more sips and i was pissed off (no pun intended) i felt that i had done what He had asked which i found difficult and its one of those times when i felt that no matter what it is never enough.

Then it got worse when i had peed i was wearing knickers which He then instructed me to put in my mouth as in a gag, i really didnt want to and begged for Him not to make me, at this point i was so angry that He was pushing me when i felt i wasnt ready and that i had already tasted my own piss which to me was a big thing. I did put them in my mouth because at that point i realised it was going to become an issue to the extent that i was very close to switching phone off and if i had done that then the issue would not be resolved, i wanted Him to understand how i felt and listen to me but He wasnt prepared to and im annoyed with Him.

I didnt want to hear how good i was, or how i had done well because as far as i was concerned and still am, He hadnt taken into account that i find it hard i had tasted it and if it stopped at that i would have said i had done well and it was a postive experience but He wasnt satisfied He just had to keep pushing and now i dont see it as something i enjoy anymore its made me look at it in a different light and i try hard to please Him but at the moment i feel that nothing ever will and if i dont comply with what He wants at a specific time then im threatened with the option of walking away, and i hate the fact that He has made me feel like this when i think i am trying my best to improve and develop.

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