Tuesday, 21 August 2007

on reflection

I have had time to reflect and also after speaking with Him i am more able to see things from a different perspective than i did ref. last post. I was angry with Him i felt pushed into something i wasnt ready for, however on reflection i can understand the points He made, it did arouse me and i had a very strong orgasm but i still stand by my point that my orgasms tend to be getting stronger anyway and it is not the act itself alone that makes me aroused but Him and the humiliation of the situation.

I think my intial reaction was based on a few factors, im due on and this is something for obvious reasons He is unable to fully understand it makes me irritible, i havent had a good day and was definitley not in the right mindset to be pushed at that point, but i think most importantly i felt angry that because it was and is a big issue with me (drinking my own pee etc) i would rather have His support physically as afterwards i felt alone and confused about how i was feeling so although i may have been ready i think it was unfair to subject to me to that when all i wanted afterwards was to be with Him in the physical sense, sometimes a phonecall and hearing Him isnt enough and on this occassion it wasnt.

As well if im honest being as i was having all these thoughts going round in my head and no one who really understood me to talk to i felt abandoned and this made me want to hurt Him back, although my only way of doing this would be to ignore Him but i realised that this would only hurt me as well.

I think what i have learned is that i need to trust Him when He says i am ready for something but on the same token i need Him to understand that sometimes its not that i dont want to do something or that i dont wish to progress but that sometimes i need Him in the flesh when confronted with something i have problems with.

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