Tuesday, 21 August 2007

feeling down

Im not feeling too good at the moment its late and after briefly speaking with Him this evening it didnt end on a positive note and im going to have to go to bed with things i want to say to Him left unsaid, and i hate that. I was in a 3-way conversation on im with a Dominant and his slave and i felt very alone although i did accept the invitation as i had not at the point spoke to her and was intrigued. I am secure enough in my own positon as a slave to Him and am happy with the way we are developing i do have moments of inadequacy but these are my own problems and He has never made me feel this way i guess sometimes im more sensitive to what He says.

The only way i can sum up how i felt whilst talking to them is that i needed Him to the point that i felt myself becoming withdrawn because it didnt feel right talking to them without Him, no offence to them they didnt say anything that i can say was inappropriate but it felt wrong, i needed His reassurance and His support, it scared me that i realised after signing off that i am dependent on Him in situations that i am not used to. I thought i was confident and able to hold my own but this has proved to me im not and after some thought i have decided that from now on i dont wish to have any correspendence with anyone whom may contact us, i think its best if He deals with any future mail regardless of its nature.

I am sensitive to His moods and even like this evening when He assured me that He was not annoyed with me, i still felt immediatly down as i sensed He was not happy and that maybe i had contributed in some way to put Him in this mood, i know He is tired and this makes Him irritible maybe i am too demanding sometimes.

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