Saturday 1 September 2012

Dont grow up too soon

My 10yr old daughter came home from school a few months ago and announced that she knew how babies were made and matter of factly stated "its when the boy puts his willy in the girls mouth" so i asked her where she had got this information from and it was from the new girl in her class.  I told her that this was wrong information and gave her the facts, explaining exactly what went where to which she was quite mortified and stated that she thought what she had been told sounded better!..did have to stiffle a laugh at that point.  I did reply however that maybe it did sound better but it was not how babies were made and she was quite satisfied with that answer and off she went to play.

Now im a firm believer in replying to childrens questions as honestly as possible and dependent on their age will determine to how simple and basic or not i keep the answers, i would rather my children have the facts than playground fiction.   Its very difficult these days to shield children from sex and sexuality, they are more exposed to it than i was as a child, when i was 10 and reading girls magazines they were about pop stars etc,  a magazine my daughter likes to read which is aimed at 8-12 year olds had an article in it last month about how to apply make-up.

I realise times are different now, but as a parent ideally i want my children to be children for as long as possible but its like fighting a losing battle and im drastically out numbered by the media, internet, friends etc, however ultimatley i have the responsibility to monitor what my children are exposed to which is easier the younger they are, its a lot less easier the older they get.

My son asked a few weeks ago if i would buy him some condoms, it took me completley by surprise but i held it together and we discussed it, every part of me wanted to say no and pull the 'your under age' card which he is at 15, i wanted to tell him as his mother that there was no way i was going to allow this and i wanted to let rip...but i didnt....it wouldnt have helped.

I am pleased that he felt comfortable enough to come to me and talk about it, we discussed it calmly, i told him all my concerns, him and his girlfriend are both young and although their bodies may be matured, mentally they are still children, i told him that they are both under age and they have plenty of time to discover sex, i told him of all the risks.

Ultimatley my son and his girlfriend are going to do what they want and they have made their minds up, i could have ranted and raved but it would have been pointless, im pleased that he talked to me about it and relieved that they are sensible enough to use contraception.  Do i agree with them, and think its ok? not at all, later after we had finished speaking i went to my bedroom and cried, i do think he is too young both of them are, i do worry about the possible consequences, i am worried about the emotional impact on them both, im his mum i want to protect and shield him from potential hurt, i want him to be a child, he is a child no matter how grown up he thinks he is at this very moment he is in his room playing his Playstation for goodness sake.

Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things in the world but its also the most worrying and scariest thing.













18 comments:

  1. I agree. I swear I am terrified of what my children will say or do next. I think it's wonderful that your son talked to you about what he was thinking though. It must have been really hard for him at 15!

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    1. hi Kat

      I think its just that children are exposed to so much these days its hard to monitor what is going on, out of it all im just glad he could come to me.

      x

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  2. Oh my! I think it's so great that your son came to you to talk about it! I explained to my daughter the way things work last month when my husband got a vasectomy, because she started asking very astute questions about it (she's only 7). I'm not sure how much of it she got, but I agree with you-- answering their questions honestly is the only way to go! And I so sympathize with you crying over your 15 year old being sex ready!

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    1. Good for you for explaining though so many parents avoid the subject because they believe the children are too young and i think thats a huge mistake..but i think thats probably because of my own personal experiences with my mum talking as sex just wasnt talked about when i was growing up!

      I do think 15 years old is too young but then it seems to be the norm these days.

      x

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  3. The thing with being a parent is that at the beginning you think the hardest time will be when they are babies. It takes practically no time at all to realise that the real challenges start from about the time they go to school. If your children come to you with their thoughts and fears and to ask you to buy condoms then you are making a pretty good job at parenting. You may not like what he plans to do, but at least you are not in for any nasty surprises. My son is 21 and still spends hours playing on his X box!

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    1. oh Joolz that is so true, when their babies its difficult but at least you know where they are and what they are up too....the older they get the less control over them you have.

      x

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  4. I was going to say that the playing on the games thing is no indication of age in boys these days.

    Did you buy the condoms? I think you have to, right? But I don't know and I was curious.

    This is a good post today.

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    1. uh huh. i agree. you guys do realise that often in my posts i mention BIKSS turning on the laptop (mine) to do whatever he does on his online game where he has this WHOLE other life... right?

      games -and the continued playing of them, are NOT an indication of ANYTHING in boys.

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    2. hi kitty

      Yes i did buy them i felt it was the responsible thing to do, if they are going to go through with it i wanted to make sure they had protection rather than risk not using any because they were too embarrassed to buy condoms...which i did point out to my son if your mature enough to have sex then you should be mature enough to buy them!

      x

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    3. With reference to the games, my comment was me reflecting that this time last year his main concern was reaching targets on his PS3 etc and thats what i think is normal for 15yr old boys, i cant imagine grown men would consider that a priority lol

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  5. wow. i think you did well. i always say - they're gonna do it whether you say NO or not. better equip them with the right information and guidance. rather than shutting them down and pretending you're shocked they went ahead and did it anyway.

    and yes, it's good that he came and talked to you about condoms. i don't know many 15 yr olds who would discuss this with their mums. that makes you awesome in my books!

    well done.

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    1. Thanks, im pretty confident i handled it well, i was shocked myself but then i have always been open with them about sex which i think stems from being raised in an environment where it was a dirty word.

      He found it embarassing, we both did to an extent but i guess it made me pleased he has the maturity to be able to come and talk to me.

      x

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  6. raising kids is the scariest job in the world...always looking out for them, trying to steer them in the right direction and being as honest with them as best you can. when my boys first went off on a holiday with their friends i bought them condoms and packed them in their case...smiles...told them not to take any chances. like your son my boys felt and still do feel comfortable in talking to me about anything which i think is a wonderful thing especially in this day and age...smiles

    well done you

    blossom x

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    1. thank blossom, its so difficult isnt it knowing if your doing the right thing? all the parent handbooks in the world as well intended as they might be dont prepare you for the reality!

      xx

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  7. I agree with your daughter, it's better in the mouth! Hee!:) But thankfully that is NOT how babies are made, or I'd be left with no sex life at all.

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    1. I would be inclined to agree with her as well but its not the right way and i would rather she had the facts.

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  8. I've got the opposite worry; Genius Child is 15 and shows more interest in Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh than he does anything sexual. When I was 15 my hormones were raging, I was sneaking Penthouse into my room, masturbating with every shower, and trying constantly to get into my girlfriend's pants. Mrs. AP was having sex regularly at 15. Having a son who shows no interest in it at that age, while a blessing, still concerns us.

    I say again, you're a good mum. You take the same approach Mrs. AP and I do for delivering information to our children. Keep up the good work!

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

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    1. oh Mr AP i would love for my son to still be interested in those things..let them be a child for as long as possible, however i do understand your concerns but it will hit him at one point and then its a whole different level of worry lol

      Thankyou, its difficult sometimes to know if im doing the right thing but i think honesty is the only way to go in giving them information.

      x

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