Been unable to blog this weekend, read them that is, i rarely will post on a weekend....well been unable to pretty much do anything but focus on him/us, it was this weekend that had been put aside to push my limits so i have been tied up..literally and metaphorically, so this evening as im recovering (well im still on a high) i logged on and settled down to catch up on blogs.
Lil's post struck a chord with me and it tied in well with an issue i have been wanting to address and also the events of this past weekend, see i had a comment made on a previous post..."better the devil you know" which was about being prepared mentally for this weekend.
"With respect, whenever I read blogs from slaves who take extreme amounts of pain-even though they admittedly do not enjoy it--all because they want to "suffer for him", my alarm bells go off. As kink-positive as I try to be, I just don't get it. From reading your posts I gather that your "consent" is never a consideration in your relationship. So what if one day he decides that he wants to whip you until your skin is flayed open? Will that be ok, because you want to suffer for him?, where are the limits, where is the concern for your well-being?
I replied to this comment, but it has stuck with me, i know that some of my posts involve heavy s/m and its not going to be something everybody gets..heck there are lots of things i dont get, so this weekend was heavy, it involved my limits being pushed, i sufferred for his pleasure, i didnt like some parts of it, other parts had me begging for more, i wouldnt want it any other way. I dont know what my limits are yet because im still exploring and have yet to reach them, i have no doubt they are out there just not yet discovered, as for my well being....well im happy, healthy and thats what he wants...it keeps me wanting more, and i do want more.
The nerves really kicked in when we enter the room of doom and im given the command to strip, its standing there naked and vunerable waiting for what he is going to do first, he hooded me and then secured me to the spanking bench, my first inkling that i was going to be on this bench for a while was when he used a waist strap as well as wrist and ankles cuffs...this kept the lower half of my body fully held down with no wriggle room.
The tawse first i think or maybe it was the wide strap but i think the tawse and no starting mildy it was full on whacks and i was owwwing away as well as saying to him quite calmly "what happened to warm-ups"! Then the cane and i didnt cope too well at first (his fault for losing my favourite one) but to get to that wanderful subspace i need to get through the first dozen or so strokes and then its worth it. He stopped and i heard him fiddling about with something but wasnt sure what until i heard the flash going off..taking bloody photos, i did ask for photos which is unusual for me but i had my own vision of when i wanted the photos taken and this wasnt one of them.
Then something happened that has only happened once before.
He moved onto the judicial cane, i love this cane, i have found my new favourite, its a heavy cane, very thuddy, i started off counting but lost count at about 124 i hit subspace and i was gone just held there in a faze of thuddy delight and then he stopped! I was incensed and begged for more but he refused to continue as my ass was in a mess, welted and bloody..but i didnt care, i wanted more, i was flying and him stopping brought me to earth with a bump, i pleaded but no he insisted that it would be too damaging too continue, i realise that now (especially after seeing my ass for myself) but at the time i could have happily carried on.
The whipping was next....this is what i was dreading the most..but im tired now so thats another post.