Its much easier when i dont have to make a decision or a choice, its easier when im told what to do and he instructs me on what he wants, and i like this, i prefer it this way so why the hell do i put up a struggle sometimes and fight against it? He likes me to tell him what i desire, he likes me to beg him to hurt me, to fuck me, to humiliate and degrade me, i would much rather he just did it, its difficult sometimes to express these desires.
Asking for what i desire or like is not topping from the bottom, he is still very much in control because he can choose to give or deny, and although i find it difficult to ask/beg or to describe in detail what i would like, if it pleases him for me to do this then that should be more important than my discomfort.
When he asks me what i like or what i desire, rather than see it as him not taking control which is a common misconception it is better i think to see it as actually giving him more control because expressing to him my wants and desires exposes more of myself to him and the more he knows of what makes me tick and what triggers my fantasies, basically getting in my head the more effectively he can assert his dominance.
Im quite sure im perplexing sometimes, im happiest when choices are removed, i dont want him to give in when i put defences up, and he doesnt but then i get all difficult because he doesnt back down! he asks me what i desire etc and i struggle with that, and i complain that i would rather he just did what he wanted.....but then asking for what i desire is what he wants....doesnt mean i will necessarily get it!....yeah im sure i drive him bonkers sometimes.