Sunday, 29 April 2012

Warning *this jar of peanut butter contains nuts*

Better to be safe than sorry?

Yep i can agree with statement it applies to so many situations and its a phrase i have often used myself and will again many more times, within a bdsm context its more ssc (safe, sane, consensual) and sometimes the safety police will come down on you like a ton of bricks if you deviate from ssc..but what about rack (risk aware consensual kink)? oh dear safety police dont like rack it implies your not being safe.

I have no issue with ssc but rack applies more to our dynamic simply because some of the kink that we engage is not regarded as safe or sane come to that, there is more risk involved for example breath play hence the risk aware part most commonly its forms of edge play where rack is more appropriate.

Using breath play as an example, it is something we both enjoy whether it be in a mild form or to the extreme but either way there is risk involved, a risk we are both aware of and yet we choose to engage in it still.  On a personal level for me my enjoyment comes from the buzz of having my ability to breathe under his control, my favourite form being wearing a rubber hood which just has 2 thin nasel tubes which he can clamp closed to cut off my air supply....close second his hands around my throat simply because its more personal.

Now the safety police, these are people i refer to that sit in judgement of those that engage in risky activities, and are quick to point out all the things that could go wrong and yes there is lots that could go wrong within any activity, they the ones that point out all the medical problems that could be caused, and question your sanity!  Just to confirm i am healthy, we are both of sane mind and  i have all my limbs attached thankyou very much.

The key points are being Risk Aware, i work for a school and have done numerous risk assesments which are required by law when taking children out of school premises, so it means filling in a lengthy form detailing the possible risks and giving them a rating to determine how high or low the risk is and what can be put in place to avoid said risks and then an assesment is made on whether the trip out is is it worth the risk. 

This is similar to how we view s/m without the form filling, assess what the risks are, how they can be minimised and hopefully avoided, these are bossmans decisions and i trust him to make them coz trust is well established and i know he is of sane mind, consent is always a given, i gave my consent when i agreed to this dynamic....but you know what on odd occasions he asks me to re-affirm that consent when we discuss how our relationship is going etc to consolidate that we are both happy with what we want from this relationship and where it is going.

I always find the issue of consent a dodgy subject because there is that murky line of consenual non-consent which is a paradox of sorts, i think a vital ingredient is trust which is paramount to any relationship and perhaps more importantly in M/s dynamics...but back to consenual non-consent how does this work.

A scenario...and for the sake of the scenario lets assume they have been together for a few years.

Sub asks her dominant to cage her for an hour, it is discussed and agreed, the cage she goes..after about 20 minutes sub is bored it wasnt as exciting as she imagined it would be, she wants out...the dom refuses on the grounds the hour is not up.  The sub protests she is not happy she is withdrawing her consent, still the dom refuses, there is no health/mental or physcial  reasons why she wants out its just boredom and not liking it, when the hour is up she is released.

Yes i have been in this position in the respect that he has done something that i wanted and asked for and i didnt like it, i wanted it to end...and no he didnt end it..and i was not happy afterwards...i sulked..but i got over it (after being told a few home truths)...moral of the careful what you wish for! anway im deviating

Is the dominant acting ethically? i believe so, of course this is a simple scenario but it can apply to many other situations and this is what cnc (consensual non consent) means to me, i cannot change the parameters that have been agreed on on a whim.  Truthfully there have been times i have wanted something to stop, i have sworn at those very moments that i did not sign up for this (not just within s/m)..he takes no notice...he has my previously agreed consent but more importantly he has my trust.

Ok so i went off on a completley different track than where i was originally going...oh well.


  1. In your scenario which is a nice scenario btw but could that not be seen as an abuse of trust? What if the sub used a safeword would that be ignored?


    1. hi Peter

      Thats a good point, although im not sure how it can seem an abuse of trust...its what was agree to no more, no less..

      As for respecting the safeword well that i think depends on what it means, for me a safeword is there to stop a scene when something is going wrong that shouldnt be, not to stop something just because its not liked anymore...although thats my view.

      So in the scenario then no i dont think the safeword is begs the question..who is in control?

      thanks for the comment.


  2. Omg, your title cracked me up. Love it.
    And I agree, once the agreement is made, it's not something that rescinds because you aren't happy with what's happening in the moment.

    I may ramble back over with some real thoughts...But now? I just love this title. Wonder how I could work that into a conversation.

    1. hi ya lil

      lol its true though its like childrens medicine with warnings attached not to operate heavy machinary or drive!

      tori x