No i havent done anything wrong coz im really good...mostly...(he would probably disagree)
We do use punishment in our relationship and its not to be confused with play, if i am to be punished it means i have disobeyed or displeased him in some way that i should have known better, i dont like being punished and that is the point of it..its not something i want or will act up intentionally to get.
I dont get punished very often, certainly not as much as i used to because i like doing as im told, i like pleasing him, mostly when i am its my mouth thats gets me into trouble, i do have a huge habit of not enagaging brain before speaking and being blatantly disrespectful will usually earn me punishment most definitley if its because im stroppy that something hasnt gone my way.
The first time i recall a physical punishment and is one i wont forget. He said to me it would be a caning i wasnt overly worried and less so when he said it would be 6 strokes...seriously thats like a love pat for me..the cane is by far my most favourite implement and i struggle with a lot of things but i can take a long hard caning..what could i possibly have to worry about? i was even a bit cocky about it.
The difference was immediate and noticable before he had even picked the cane up, his demenour for a start now im the first to say that he can be cruel and harsh but he wasnt even that he was determined, focused, he certainly wasnt playful but nor was he in what i call full on sadist mode.
So i sensed that this was different, the panic set in when after restraining me onto the whipping bench he went straight for the cane....i have always had a warm up whether it had been with his hand, flogger or belt, he has always ensured that im warmed up well enough to take a hard caning and the caning has always been built up gradually to harder and harder strokes. I remember asking him what about my warm up and he replied with "this is a punishment, your not getting one, and you will count each stroke" and with that the first blow came at full force...ps i detest counting oh and he made me kiss the cane before he started..that was new!
Fucking hell it hurt no thats an understatement i was damn sure i wasnt going to survive another 5 more im not even sure how i managed to find my breath to cry out "one"..when the caning was over he asked if i wanted more (in a smug kind of way)..i know that was said in reference to my earlier cocky attitude and the fact that most usually when he pauses longer than i like between strokes i will beg for more, and sometimes even when he has stopped i will beg for more...nope wasnt begging for more this time.
Im a masochist, pain in a controlled environment does arouse me it can provide me with sexual gratification, this caning aroused me but under no circumstances was it pleasurable even though my body responded differently. I still fear a hard caning with no warm up as a punishment for me its effective, the biggest thing though was the mental aspect..he drew a very clear line of the difference between pain for play and pain as punishment.