Saturday, 7 April 2012

What if...........

We have 'played' with other couples whom we know in this lifestyle in the past not so much anymore, i have bar one occassion enjoyed those times, i have always maintained im not a jealous natured person and sexually im not....i have no problem with watching another women give him sexual pleasure in fact it turns me on big time...what i have had and still would have a problem with (should he decide to renew our 'playing' with others)  is another women submitting to him...he is my Master goddamit....and i dont like submitting to anyone else either including sexual use...this brings me to a point of conflict, makes me question us, our dynamic...and mostly i guess my submission.

We have had many, many discussions over my feelings towards interacting with others they usually end up with me getting irratible over his apparent inability to understand what im trying to get accross, i can admittedly understand that i realise im a contradiction...i have enjoyed it albeit mostly afterwards so whats the problem..oh and he is always quick to point out that it makes me very wet and i cant keep my hands off him afterwards and yes this is all true it is i cant deny that....but ffs its not about the sex or how wet i get...i get very aroused very easily he knows that...its how it makes me feel in my head...emotionally that i struggle with....why is that so hard to understand....each time the subject is brought up im filled with dread not excitement....its about my submission...which is his and i bloody well begrudge giving it to others even if it is just a teeny weeny part.

What always ends the discussion is his statement of....yes you are my slave and as such your submission is mine to do with as i like...its what you wanted..what i made you think really long and hard about if this is this what you wanted...i told you from the start what i would expect/demand from you and you wanted this,......and i did and i do.

I dont want to dictate my submission but i realise i try to but sometimes its not about dictating or trying to negotiate and heck i know all too well that submission is a piece of cake when its something you like and enjoy its when confronted with areas that you are not so keen on and/or dislike that really tests that submission...and i dont mean just s/m but all areas.....its difficult....and what if i dont want or cant embrace who or what i apparentley am...what if i just get pushed that bit too far...what then.


  1. Oy, yea...In a slightly different way, I get this.
    Not easy.

  2. Everyone has limits. O would love a poly situation or even just to play or swing. Yanno? Not mouse. It's become a hard limit.

    Just can't go there. He understands why and has enough respect for mouse not to press the issue.


  3. hi ya mouse

    i dont think he gets exactly what my issue is, or perhaps im not making myself clear enough when we do discuss it....its like because it turns me on then that should be enough..but it isnt not for me.

    tori x

  4. hi lil

    no its not easy and im becoming more and more convinced it doesnt get any easier.

    tori x

  5. I'd be extremely upset if Daddy wanted another woman, besides me. Call me jealous all you want, lol!

    Sorry, I don't have any wise words for you, but it's interesting to think about. Good luck talking to him and getting your needs met while still being submissive.


  6. hi kitty

    I think jealousy is a normal reaction and certainly not a bad thing if its under control.

    Im not too hung up on sex or should i say i dont place much importance on to see him with another woment does not bother me and its never behind my back...that i would have a big problem with.

    tori x

  7. Hello tori,
    I can relate to this challenge. Similar to you, when I watch Master sexually engage with other women I am aroused, very much so. I like watching him play with them, fuck them, tease and torment them; however, I am very strict with my limits in that I am his one and only slave and he is only a Master to me. We have trained other women and they were "pets" but Master was and most likely always will be my Master and mine alone. I enjoy sharing and yes I know that does not sound submissive like but in my head I am sharing him with others when he has sex with them; I just do not want to share his ownership. That is for me and me alone.

    I hope you both can continue to communicate and work through this hurdle together. I wish you all the best.

  8. hello goodgirl

    I know exactly what you mean...the sex isnt an issue so much its the me submitting to others thats the problem and others to him.

    Its something that has to be dealt with at some point and i have no doubt it will be....just as has been said will take a lot of open, honest communication.

    tori x