Its been an unsettling week, i havent been at my best, my mood has been at best congenial and at worst complete bitch so i have avoided blogging i couldnt even bring myself to comment much because if i cant say anything nice i wont say anything at all that doesnt make me sound a nice person at all really and being honest this week i havent been.
I havent orgasmed in over a bloody week and no pain not even a teeny weeny bit but im sufferring all the same, i havent done anything wrong its a choice, his choice one im not terribly happy about of course its not stopping him from getting his needs met....im not bloody stupid there is a lesson being taught here....he doesnt tend to do things without a purpose, its very rare he will do something just because he can. I moaned a while back about how sometimes i wished he would deny me orgasms....why did i moan about that!!! he generally allows me plenty of sexual release, so im not getting any pain because pain does give me sexual gratification....im not getting any outlet.
So its effecting my mood and i have to tread carefully because i know a big problem i have is temper, im not so good at controlling my emotions when i feel agrieved when i feel he is being unfair even though i know its not unfair.....he decides how and when i get pleasure and i should be appreciatative when he does allow it....oh yes see i know a lesson is being taught but im not going to let my temper get the better of me...not this time well im trying hard.....telling him "being good is over-rated" in a stroppy tone of voice because being good doesnt get me anything is not the way to go (which i did recently).....yes i know the message this lesson is saying...it is
I should be good because it pleases him and i want/need to do that not because i seek to be rewarded, my reward is knowing i am pleasing him and his needs come before mine, should he choose to refuse me anything at any time i should accept this without complaint, without sulking, pouting or any other undesirable trait.
Ok lesson learned.