Its been an unsettling week, i havent been at my best, my mood has been at best congenial and at worst complete bitch so i have avoided blogging i couldnt even bring myself to comment much because if i cant say anything nice i wont say anything at all that doesnt make me sound a nice person at all really and being honest this week i havent been.
I havent orgasmed in over a bloody week and no pain not even a teeny weeny bit but im sufferring all the same, i havent done anything wrong its a choice, his choice one im not terribly happy about of course its not stopping him from getting his needs met....im not bloody stupid there is a lesson being taught here....he doesnt tend to do things without a purpose, its very rare he will do something just because he can. I moaned a while back about how sometimes i wished he would deny me orgasms....why did i moan about that!!! he generally allows me plenty of sexual release, so im not getting any pain because pain does give me sexual gratification....im not getting any outlet.
So its effecting my mood and i have to tread carefully because i know a big problem i have is temper, im not so good at controlling my emotions when i feel agrieved when i feel he is being unfair even though i know its not unfair.....he decides how and when i get pleasure and i should be appreciatative when he does allow it....oh yes see i know a lesson is being taught but im not going to let my temper get the better of me...not this time well im trying hard.....telling him "being good is over-rated" in a stroppy tone of voice because being good doesnt get me anything is not the way to go (which i did recently).....yes i know the message this lesson is saying...it is
I should be good because it pleases him and i want/need to do that not because i seek to be rewarded, my reward is knowing i am pleasing him and his needs come before mine, should he choose to refuse me anything at any time i should accept this without complaint, without sulking, pouting or any other undesirable trait.
Ok lesson learned.
As someone who has been struggling with the whole learning curve thing lately, I can relate.
ReplyDeleteAnd um, I may have even been in this exact position myself,
"telling him "being good is over-rated" in a stroppy tone of voice because being good doesnt get me anything is not the way to go."
tori,
ReplyDeleteOmega often doesn't outwardly control mouse's orgasms, but he does or doesn't give her opportunity to have one.
Sometimes it's hard to understand or grasp the concept of the lesson's they're trying to teach us. Once we do understand it, it's not (always) any easier.
Hugs,
mouse
hi lil
ReplyDeleteI think the learning curve never ends lol but i tend to think thats a good thing its just sometimes its more difficult at times.
yes well me and my quick mouth does tend to get me into trouble!
tori x
hi ya mouse
ReplyDeleteusually i jump to conclusions and think i have done something wrong when i get denied something but i should know better because if he is displeased with me he lets me know straight out.
and yes i might understand a lesson but nope its not always easier...just have to work on accepting that.
tori x
I understand your frustration. Sometimes I'm used for his pleasure alone and have to wait because mine is deferred. Even though it's difficult, it does make me feel so much more submissive, which is good, in my opinion:).
ReplyDeleteLove,
Kitty
hi kitty
ReplyDeleteim just greedy....i like having orgasms...umm who doesnt lol, the benefit is when i finally do it will be a damn good one..well it better be!
tori x