Its late im tired but i cant sleep, its been a very hectic day but enjoyable, the egg hunt was a success the children had a wanderful time, and it was nice to be with all the family and friends but it was nice to see them all leave as much as i love them....I hope everyone who celebrates Easter had a good weekend.
Im not myself, im restless, Master is busy, really busy with work i know its usually around this time that he is so i tend to keep things in even more than i usually do because i dont want to add to all what he has going on. I know what i get like, i get insecure, needy and irrational and instead of dealing with these feelings i bottle them up, hide them away and wait it out until it comes to a head....and it always does come to a head.
There are many things im not good at or struggle with but what im very very good at is putting on a front, the brave face..you know like when people ask you how you are and you say very politley "yes im very well thanks, all is fine" but really your not.....its how i deal with things, most especially emotions and feelings. This blog is my outlet, sometimes i let out more than i usually do, i am (outside of blogger) a private person, i dont mind my own company and its certainly more preferable than being in a large crowd.... Master is a more sociable person than me but i think that comes down to confidence....he is far more confident than me.
When we go out he is comfortable engaging in conversation with people, strangers wheras i will but im also happy to stand back and listen, im a better listener than i am at talking, i enjoy listening to him, hearing about his past, before me, what he has done, he has experienced so much more and i mean in life generally not just bdsm......i like listening to other people full stop.
So i wont dwell on the issues going around my head at the moment, i will put them away until they have to be confronted.....yes im very good at avoiding issues....unfortunately he is very good at making me address them....sometimes the easy way and sometimes not......i go around in circles it feels like and that circle eventually get smaller and smaller until there is nothing to go around anymore.