Monday, 9 April 2012

Ever decreasing circles

Its late im tired but i cant sleep, its been a very hectic day but enjoyable, the egg hunt was a success the children had a wanderful time, and it was nice to be with all the family and friends but it was nice to see them all leave as much as i love them....I hope everyone who celebrates Easter had a good weekend.

Im not myself, im restless, Master is busy, really busy with work i know its usually around this time that he is so i tend to keep things in even more than i usually do because i dont want to add to all what he has going on.   I know what i get like, i get insecure, needy and irrational and instead of dealing with these feelings i bottle them up, hide them away and wait it out until it comes to a head....and it always does come to a head.

There are many things im not good at or struggle with but what im very very good at is putting on a front, the brave know like when people ask you how you are and you say very politley "yes im very well thanks, all is fine" but really your not.....its how i deal with things, most especially emotions and feelings.   This blog is my outlet, sometimes i let out more than i usually do, i am (outside of blogger) a private person, i dont mind my own company and its certainly more preferable than being in a large crowd.... Master is a more sociable person than me but i think that comes down to confidence....he is far more confident than me.

When we go out he is comfortable engaging in conversation with people, strangers wheras i will but im also happy to stand back and listen, im a better listener than i am at talking, i enjoy listening to him, hearing about his past, before me, what he has done, he has experienced so much more and i mean in life generally not just bdsm......i like listening to other people full stop.

So i wont dwell on the issues going around my head at the moment, i will put them away until they have to be confronted.....yes im very good at avoiding issues....unfortunately he is very good at making me address them....sometimes the easy way and sometimes not......i go around in circles it feels like and that circle eventually get smaller and smaller until there is nothing to go around anymore.


  1. Just sending great big hugs...lots of them.

    more hugs,

  2. Good to hear he is good at getting you to address issues. That is probably good for your relationship.


  3. tori,

    I'm so familiar with putting on a brave front, especially since Daddy is the CEO/President of his own business, and many times I have to do everything at home involving the kids.

    Hopefully you can let your feelings out soon:).


  4. Thanks mouse they are very much welcomed.

    tori xx

  5. FD

    It is good yes, i certainly dont recommend my way of hiding them away it doesnt help..better out than just have to work on practiscing what i preach lol

    tori x

  6. its difficult kitty, and yes it is rewarding i wouldnt trade being a mum for anything, i wouldnt trade our relationship for anything come to that...i shall get by i always do but sometimes its more difficult than usual.

    tori xx