Monday, 25 June 2012

Keeping it in check

These relationships tend to provoke the most intense emotions with the submissive putting the dominant on a pedestal to be worshipped, i guess its easy to get carried away with how wanderful our dominants are, they are the greatest, the best and to be swept away by how they make us feel and for the most part there is nothing wrong with this but sometimes there needs to be an injection of reality, to not let these intense feelings and ideas get out of hand whereby the submissives train of thoughts become blurred and its also what makes them vunerable and rash decisions and declarations are made because of the desperation to please.

You would think this applies just to the newbies when its all new and fresh and exciting, to the more younger and inexperienced but this is not the case not always.   I had made a post recently regarding a sub making a rash and totally inappropriate declaration about her dominant and mouse made a comment in reply to that post which made me think about it from a different perspective, one that i hadnt considered and that of the responsiblitly of the dominant to correct and perhaps manage the subs train of keep them in check.

I would think this is managed through communication, the importance of the dominant knowing whats going through his subs head, no im not expecting them to be mind readers (things i call him in my head sometimes its bloody good he cant read minds!) but talking, listening which seems obvious but yet how often do you hear "he/she doesnt listen, not really listen" or "he/she doesnt like/want to talk about it" and im guilty of the latter.

Im digressing but the point is by talking and listening the dominant can be aware of how the sub is thinking and if he doesnt like a particular train of thought he can correct it, explaining why its not appropriate, this is not about brainwashing the sub to only think what the dominant thinks but rather to avoid the pitfulls of rash declarations like the "i will do anything...." etc.

Personally i tend to shy away from making the "my dominant is wanderful, do anything yadda yadda" type of  posts (probably is more 'lovey dovey' stuff in the beginning when i started out) not because i think there is anything wrong with them but im just not good with being openly emotional in private together let alone in a public setting..but he knows how i feel and thats enough.  Im probably a pessimist as well, seen too many public displays of affection and posts declaring love etc and then a year or less down the line the same things are being said by the same person to someone else so it sort of becomes jaded and meaningless.

oh but i do think he is wanderful..just so you know i do have a heart.


  1. i giggled at this. cos i'm guilty of it. declarations of love.

    but with every boy/girl-friend i've gone thru, they're always the love of my life UNTIL they stop being that. things change. sometimes u don't change together. sometimes one person is more committed to maintaining the relationship than the other.

    and often there are things that are beyond our control. so while I agree with you on some level, i also have to say "hey, no fair!!" and defend myself while i sit indignantly on my little stool in my little corner and pout. LOL

  2. hi ya

    Sorry for not seeing this for some reason it went in spam folder!!

    I didnt write this to cause offence and im sorry if any was taken, i think more than having an issue with declarations of love, which i dont have its just not me, i was meaning more of naive and brash statements such as "i would do anything, i would murder etc etc" which appear more often than one would think.

    I do agree that with each relationship we have its natural to love them that is of course part of being in a relationship and yes change does happen and in hindsight looking back there may be that element of thinking "was it really love" of course everyones idea of love is personal to them.

    tori x