I am conflicted about calling myself a slave, i used to a lot but i was naive and caught up in the romance of what it meant, now, well now i have a clearer understanding and im unsure of what it means to me, i know what it means to my Master and the expectations that go with that and so i work, we both work to his expectations, its led me to questioning why its seen as acceptable to give everything that you are to your owner but yet retain responsibility for yourself.
If your going down the route of internal enslavement or consenual slavery that requires a lot, much much more than just blindly following instructions and having your ass beaten, you are essentially putting all your trust, decisions, choices etc in your owners hands...so does this not include responsibility of ones self? if thats the case wouldnt the slave be holding back from her owner by retaining her own responsibilty?
I dont mean being responsible for cleaning the house, cooking dinner, being competent at work etc, its deeper than that, i mean emotional, mental and physical responsibility, because on the journey to consensual slavery all these emotions, feelings are in direct relation to the internal enslavement.
Its scary to go down this road and its a long long road not a quick walk around the block, it means the slave being open and vunerable to the owners decisions, choices, this does not mean being weak or being a doormat and certainly not some brain dead robot! the slave is still capable of making an opinion, a choice, decision but is content to have them made for her in a healthy M/s dynamic....key word healthy!
So im back to wandering about being responsible, how can a slave retain personal responsibility when everything she is is her owners? when he has made the decisions, choices?
I never had the goal (or idea) of being a slave, nor did I think Wolf did either. But the farther along the path I travel, I realize this is what Wolf ultimately needs and craves from me. He wants me completely vulnerable, with no rights excepts those that flow from him.
ReplyDeleteSo how do I rationalize it? I am his prized possession, his treasure, as you said not a brain-dead robot. He expects me to be utterly dependent on him and yet preserve myself and be healthy for him. If I did not do some things on my own, then I would not be emotionally well, physically fit, mentally able to be dependent. In a sense, if all of my rights flow from Wolf, then he has granted me this one right (at his discretion) to take care of myself, unless it contradicts an order of course.
I know it seems inconsistent but sometimes I think I've got it sorted out anyway, lol.
love, squirrel
hi squirrel
DeleteI think slave means whatever you want it to mean for you, i changed so much over the last 5 years that in the beginning i loved being called it and now it scares me as i start really understanding what i means it to him.
lol its an enigma sorting all the jumble of being controlled, dependent, responsibility but yet it does somehow fit all together....i think lol
tori xx
This is the exact paradox that has thrown me into a spin more than once. I can't rationally explain how i can be both completely open to him - all of me his, and in control of myself, all of me. Sometimes i manage to exist in that paradox, sometimes i don't.
ReplyDeleteIt is a difficult one to try to reason with i think but im trying to get my head around it.
Deletetori x
I am going through this internal struggle right now. I have been quiet and trying to wrap my head about it. Sometimes I get scared and I feel lost. I am not sure how to handle it or what the answer is but it is good to know I'm not the only one.
ReplyDeleteOh dancingbarez you certainly are not alone, i do think its normal to have those feelings of being scared and lost because it is scary! but when able to just let go its amazing..when it happens lol
Deletetori xx
I have been musing about this concept for a while. I think it's well worth exploring.
ReplyDeleteBut I never reached any conclusions that made a whole lot of sense.
And now you have me wondering again...
lol lil
Deleteim constantly wandering, this concept has been in my head for a while and well im still not sure i have my head around it completley.
tori xx