I dont like it but it turns me on..bisexuality

Lil over at http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/sometimes-i-like-it-just-because-i-dont.html?zx=7de62dcc322a4c33 wrote this and its a concept that struck a chord with me and its one of those subjects that people will get or wont.

I would not say i was bisexual, i dont as a rule find women a sexual turn on, i can appreciate a good looking women but feel no attraction, i have had sexual encounters with women but its been limited to giving them oral only...literally as in having my head shoved down there.

I think its a man thing in general the whole 2 women scenario, for Master its more than just witnessing the sexual act he enjoys my reluctance and distaste for giving a women oral sex, he knows its something i do because i want to please him and i have no say in the matter its not something i would choose to do, but yet i prefer it over giving a man (other than my Master) oral sex.

The first time he arranged for me to be with a women i was scared, anxious and certainly not looking forward to it, i had tried to get him to change his mind, i protested stroppily, i begged but he wasnt going to be moved.  He tied me to a chair naked with my legs open and put a blindfold on me which im glad of, i needed the security of bondage and the loss of sight to be able to 'escape' into my head, it has the effect of calming me down somewhat.

Then i felt the women between my legs and my natural instinct was to try to prevent it but because of being restrained i couldnt and you just have to accept it because there is no other option, i wanted to hate it, i didnt want to be aroused but i was but in all fairness i was aroused before he started tying me to the chair, she succeeded in bringing me to orgasm which i know seems strange but i felt ashamed, i didnt want to like it.  But i enjoy recieving oral sex and bottom line coming from a women or a man its the same thing, the only difference when Master does it to me is he obviously has the advantage of knowing how i like it and he will tease and torment etc.

My turn.  This was what i was dreading the most, still blindfolded he untied me from the chair, put me onto all fours bent over and guided my head to between her legs..she was lying on the floor. Yuck! thats what i have to say about that, i know i have a pussy as well but ewww i dont like tasting myself and this was worse, i recall trying to pull my head away but he pushed and held me back down so i wasnt going anywhere. 

So i resigned myself to the fact that i had to get on with it, and i tried ok not as enthusiastically as she had but this was my first time and she had plenty more experience than me and really enjoyed it, i was reluctant and uncomfortable, i think i lapped at it like an ice cream without putting any real thought into whether she was enjoying it or not.  I dont know exactly how long he kept me down there perhaps around 10 mins before he let me up, he told me that he was pleased with me and asked the other women what she thought, i cant remember what she said it couldnt have been really bad as i have no doubt if that was the case my head would have been shoved right back down there....i think she actually felt a little sorry for me and even if she didnt enjoy it and thought it was crap she wouldnt have said so.

It was humiliating, degrading, and distasteful now i knew for sure that i didnt like it and i didnt but afterwards i was so turned on and when later that evening we discussed it and i told him that i didnt enjoy it, talking about it turned me on i couldnt keep my hands off him.  The scenario as it was was a huge turn on, i was turned on by having no choice in what happened, having him hold me down between her legs until he was satisfied, the actual act of oral sex on her had nothing to do with it, it was the control over me that turned me on, that i would do something i dislike for him and knowing that he knows that, and also knowing he knows me better than i know myself, he told me all along i would get turned on by it but i adamantly refused to believe it.

There has been more encounters since then with other women, i still feel the same way that if i could i would not do it but the very fact that my voice in this matter bears no relevance and if he wants it it will happen is very arousing.