Saturday 8 March 2014

like it, like it not

*getting there* but if you want to keep me busy feel free to ask more....i may regret saying that*

P Surren asked

"What is the scariest thing you've ever done?"

this is a tricky one, in general? bdsm wise? and a lot of things are scary the first time.

Im going to assume you mean bdsm..

oh blimey umm there are a few things here that i could say, and i have been trying to think on what scared me the most, im edging towards a scene we had years back with another dominant.

They suspended me, not fully, but enough that i was on tip-toes, and proceeded to cane me, both working me over, walking around me, nothing was left out, ass, back and front of thighs, tits, stomach, between my legs when they could catch me there (i was wriggling a lot).

I didnt want to do it, but well yeah it was happening, and initially it was ok, but it got too much and i panicked, i was just bloody scared and i burst into tears, which is very unlike me, and was the first time i had responded this way.

Master stopped the scene straight away to be fair to him, and i was just a sobbing mess, i felt a failure because i felt i had let him down, i was scared he was going to make me continue, i was overwhelmed by all these emotions, what must the other dominant think, have i embarrassed Master etc.

We learnt a lot from that scenario, Master wanted to know why i didnt safeword as soon as i started getting worked up? and i thought that because we didnt use safewords between us, and he was active in the scene i wouldnt be allowed to.  He reiterated what he has always said, that when playing with others im allowed and expected to safeword if i get distressed in any way and no less would be thought of me.

 I was scared before they even started, it was the first time i was to experience 2 doms at once (and one sadist is a handful), plus i didnt like the other dom that much either so that didnt help.

It stayed with me for a long time, and even now the thought of going through it again scares me, it was just more than i could cope with on an emotional level, in hindsight as we both discussed and agreed on later, it was too much for me, too soon, we hadnt been together that long, the previous night we met with a couple and i had my first bi experience, and sexual experience with another dom, so it was simply all too much, i was pushed too far.

"The thing you dreaded the most and did you end up enjoying it?", this also applies to chickadees question "is there anything you once said you would never do, and now you enjoy it?"

needles, originally a hard limit, it was a big thing for me to ask for them, and when he used them on me, afterwards i was like "that was amazing, cant believe i was so scared of them" they are one of my favourite things now.

"What is your most hated implement?  Does it get used often?

dressage whip.  Its really thin, whippy (obviously lol) i just cant seem to handle it at all, even now its the one implement that from the moment it comes into play im begging, moving away from him (he generally makes sure im tied up when it comes out), trying every tactic for him not to use it....if i could have it as a hard limit i would.

Now thankfully it doesnt get used that often, maybe about 7/8 months perhaps longer since it was last used, and i would like for it to be at least that again before its used again.


Right off to go through my blog roll now, this is so much fun!

14 comments:

  1. Hi Tori, sorry, I am horribly behind in blogland at the moment and hope I will be able to go back and read your earlier posts with answers to questions as well. I dis skim your earlier posts and saw you had chicken pox. Good grief! I hope you are feeling much better now!

    I enjoyed reading your answers. Oh gosh the first one. It does sound as though it was perhaps a case of too many new experiences at one, especially so early in your relationship.

    I've told you before the though of needles scars the crap out of me LoL and I can definitely image the dressage whip being a lot to handle. Ouch!!

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. hi ya Roz, im getting behind at the moment, this question and answer month although very fun is difficult to keep up with lol

      yes it was just too much in a short space of time and it really messed me up in my head.

      oh i get they scare the crap out of people, i was one of those people lol

      x

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  2. Thank you tori. You are very brave.

    I have had to safeword with a single tail. I was not mentally able to continue.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. i wouldnt say brave joey, i struggle a lot at times.

      I think the mental aspect is something that gets often overlooked in respect of safewording, it assumed it has to be because of something physical and that is not always the case.

      x

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  3. Hey tori,

    Isn't it funny but the very things we're often most afraid of or fearful of, are often the very things we end up enjoying?

    Do you have a routine or thing you do after play/use? After some hard play, mouse usually wants to sleep; but after moderate play, punishment or use, very often mouse finds herself talkative -- kinda wound up and unable to settle...

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  4. hi ya mouse, nice to 'see' you

    it is yes, and also the things i was so sure i would like some i have ended up not liking at all!

    I tend to prefer to be left alone, he will deal immediately to any open cuts but i dont want to be comforted straight away and he isnt too good at that side of things either, he gets distant, kind of aloof.

    Sleep gosh yes its exhausting, on an emotional level as well as physical, normally i would look to go to bed, but with me being diabetic now we're finding its effecting my blood sugar levels at times, i get really thirsty and i dont seem to be coping as well as i used to with intense scenes....im hoping thats a temporary setback.

    When you say talkative, wound up, would you say that its because of being on a 'high' from the play....that i can get like, im buzzing, i think i drive him nuts when im like that lol

    x

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  5. I get really talkative to when I'm all wound up. Flying high as a kite, and just bouncing all over the place. The crash at times are difficult. Love reading your answers, tori.

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    1. ah yes the crash....that is the not so good part, and it seems to me in my experience its when i least expect it in that its when its something minor that he has done rather than something 'heavy'

      x

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  6. I wonder, why you can have the dressage whip as a hard limit?

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    1. i think this is something i will discuss in a later post, as its a good talking point, if you dont mind?

      x

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  7. Thanks so much for answering my questions. I'm always intrigued by the lives of others and I appreciate, as always, your honestly.

    The whole "to safe word, not to safe word" thing just sucks and I completely understand that battle that goes on in your head. My Daddy and I have a safe word, but if he relied solely on that I'd be in huge trouble. I tend to fight using it. And I love the comments between you and joey. I think, for me, that the emotional/mental aspect is where I struggle the most. The pain I can take, the mental stuff...not always. I'm glad he can see my distress and pull me out of it.

    hugs
    p

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    1. your welcome and thanks back you, this is such a great way to get us all interacting, learning more about each other.

      Yes the mental/emotional aspect really does tend to get overlooked, and yet i think is more important, because its a lot for one to process sometimes and it cause unexpected emotional outbursts when least expected.

      x

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  8. your first experience you described has me feeling scared and Im only reading it, you are VERY brave for trying it. I can well imagine it was all just too much in too short a time and the fact that you didn't like the other dom certainly wouldn't have helped.
    Its not just pain in this thing we do isn't it...its very much emotional and in the mindset ....a lot for a person to take sometimes.

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    1. I didnt feel to brave at the time, i should have spoken up as soon as i started getting panicky, but we both learnt a lot from it, how it all could have been dealt with differently, i think i was so caught up in wanting to prove myself i let myself go too far than i should have.

      It is i think more about the emotional and the mindset than the actual pain, yes definitely agree there.

      x

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