Friday 6 July 2012

Safewords and subspace

I have written about safewords before but a perspective i hadnt thought of is how sometimes a safeword can be relied on too much, to the point that it could cause a dominant not to monitor his submissive as vigilantly as he should be (mostly related to s/m) because he is relying on her to communicate to him via a safeword if something is wrong.

Personally we dont use a safeword, we did in the begininng but as the s/m became more intense the less one was needed which is odd i know you would think it would be the opposite but as things become more intense i get into subspace more easily and therin lies the problem of relying too much on a safeword.

When i get into deep subspace i am gone, i am in my own bubble, i can barely if at all register if he is saying anything to me let alone communicate myself, i am entirely absorbed by this intense feeling of calm and its when im probably at my most vunerable, he has fisted me before when i have been in subspace but i can honestly say i dont remember it, its hazy and if it wasnt for the fact i know he wouldnt decieve me i would be convinced it hadnt happened..thats how deep under i can get at times.

Relying soley on a safeword at these times could potentially be more of a safety risk because i am unable to register if something is wrong that should be, more importantly it requires that he is extremely vigilant in whats happening, constant checking in to ensure that all is how it should be.

Im not saying that having no safeword at all is the way to go, and there is nothing wrong with having one but i think its more important that due care and attention is paid to the submissives responses and the overall situation than relying on a word being utterred.

8 comments:

  1. You have really summed up my issue with safewords--they're only useful if you can actually use them when you need them.

    When I had one, there were a couple of times I probably should have used it lol, but when you get to a certain place, there's just no such thing as speech.
    He's always been pretty good about stopping just before I'm toast, but I have found that he reads me better without a safeword.

    Though I guess I always like to advocate for them because I think they can be really important sometimes, especially for beginners or people in new relationships.

    I might have been accused of hypocrisy a time or two lol.
    Not sure I should really be going around trying to make sense before the sun rises...

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    1. It makes sense lol i do think they are important but i also dont think it makes people reckless if they choose not to use them which is a common critisism for those that dont.

      tori x

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  2. Master and I have never used a safeword. While we both knew that if we were ever doing anything crazy enough right off we would establish one, we started slowly, so he could learn how to read me first. We both also knew about the possibility of falling so far into subspace that speaking would not be an option.
    Now, we're very on top of each other about our play styles. I know when he's about ready to quit playing and want sex, and when he's going to give me a second to breathe. The only time I need to say something is when he hits a piercing wrong, and it's something he can't see he's doing.

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    1. I think thats the way to go, by building up and learning to observe the sub and i think thats more important and requires more effort than being dependent on a word.

      tori x

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  3. We have talked about having a safe word, but for much the same reason you stated I don't think it would work so well for us. Musicman is very good at reading me so I don't worry about it at all.

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    1. hi faerie

      Its good that he knows how to read you so well it takes the pressure off you in a way i think to not have to worry about how far things will go..because he is guiding you there.

      tori x

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  4. initially starting out i feel its better to have one but as you both grow together and the trust builds up in the relationship, i feel that a safeword could be done away with.

    blossom x

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    1. hi blossom

      Yes i think many people start out with one, i did and i do think they are of importance but yet i think do think they can be of possible more harm than good.

      tori xx

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