You know those famous lightbulb moments...i get them and i think yay i have got it...but then it dims and im back to square one. I used to strive for perfection but perfection doesnt really exist does it? I start questioning am i submissive enough but what is submissive enough, i read blogs and sometimes i think why cant it come as easily to me, where am i going wrong.
I overthink things i know i do, its a bad trait but one i cant seem to shake off, one day im really confident with myself and the next i can be having moments of doubt, i should be moving forwards surely but it feels like im stuck in this place of focusing too much on what im really crap at and there are lots of things im not too good in but its being unsure of where im going next that distracts me.
I cant make sense of myself half the time, do i need to, i should follow his lead i want to follow his lead, i want to be this positive really obedient submissive but im not.
Oh yes, trying to hang on to the ever elusive illumination. I get that one.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't really think perfection exists--there are just people who are perfect for each other.
I often wonder why submission doesn't come as easy to me as it seems to for some others...But we try, and I think that matters.
Also, I feel that some people do have the same internal conflicts, they just choose to highlight other aspects of their submission--we only see what we are given when we read the writings of others, not necessarily the whole picture.
we all have moments like that and its part of our make up, we always strive to be the best and as long as we do that then thats all that matters.
ReplyDeleteSubmission has to be worked at constantly i dont think there is the all singing, all dancing sub...lol if there is i wish she would pass on her secrets!!!
blossom x
Thankyou lil and yes you are right i hadnt thought of it like that, ie that you dont always see the whole picture when people post, usually i guess its just a glimpse into anothers thoughts.
ReplyDeletehi blossom
Yes i agree always striving to be the best we can is enough, and i try but sometimes its just harder than i think it should be.
tori