Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Getting over the shame

I dont talk about sex a lot this stems i think from my mum whom when i was growing up was very reserved about sex it was my dad who gave me the sex talk the closest my mum got was saying it was for making babies..end of discussion, even now my mum finds it very uncomfortable if sex is brought up in any form ie even on the television...she will leave the room.  It has taken me a long time to be comfortable with myself sexually, Master is the first person i have felt comfortable being naked around but even now i get moments of shame that i shouldnt be doing this and to admit i find something desirable is difficult for me.

I get embarrassed about expressing what i would like and often Master has to prompt me to get me to admit that i do like something and that it does turn me on, i have often joked with him saying that he has corrupted me with how far he has taken me but he says its been in me all along it just needed bringing out i just need to start accepting that and i am....slowly.

We discussed this recently and he said "I am not going anywhere, I am planning on hurting and using you for a very long time, I want to see how far into depravity and agony you can go"  this sent shivers down my spine, shivers of fear but also excitment.  But i also feel shame and guilt because its not right to want this and i will follow him wherever he wants to take me, he knows me, he knows what makes me tick even when i cant admit it.

So the sex, the sex is good very good, i get turned on by i suppose you could say the more strange things i guess although im pretty sure im not alone in them...i hope.  He sent me a text saying he had a treat for me, i got all excited wandering what it was, would i like it..i should do he said it was a treat!
He had been to the gym and was all sweaty and the treat was he was going to let me worship his body before he showered and yes this was my treat...i love worshipping him but i especially love it when he is sweaty it turns me on big time getting to lick him all over.

But i would never have asked or admitted that i do love this and would want to do it, he knew i would, i loved exploring every inch of his body with my tongue and im going to admit i climaxed whilst doing so....i think thats progress admitting that..for me it is.


  1. Congratulations on the progress. That is one of the best parts of ttwd getting past those feelings of shame. It's liberating. Good for you!

  2. I guess each person has things that turn them on and that others wouldn't care for. I'm glad you didn't mind your Master being all sweaty, but I have to admit, it would not have been my "cup of tea", lol!


    P.S. Although, I think it's incredible that he knows you so well.

  3. Thanks dancingbarez, im getting there sometimes its feels easier and sometimes i just cant admit to what i like lol..but yes its progress

    Hi kitty

    lol no i know its not everyones cup of wierd i know lol, but yes he does know me very well better than i do myself i think at times.


    tori x