Fantasise, experiment and experience

 "I want him to be sadistic, he isnt he doesnt like hurting me, he is dominant enough but I want more, how can you make them sadists, we are both new to this?"

I did chuckle at this sentence, no offence, it made me think of baking cakes and seeking out the perfect recipe to get the best results!....yeah i know i dont understand the way my head works either.

I think this is about compatibility and determining how important it is to you, i met my Master through a bdsm website so you sort of got the bare details upfront, so for example he clearly stated that he was a sadist so i think its reasonable to say that a submissive who did not enjoy pain and had no desire to try it, would pass on by, i wanted to explore s/m so he appealed to me.....was way more than i anticipated...but thats a whole other story lol

However, im assuming, please correct me if im wrong that this is an already established relationship before exploring ttwd, in which case the circumstances would be different.

Speaking from my own experience, when i got with my Master my experience was very limited compared to his, so its difficult to actually determine what i liked or didnt like because i simply didnt know, yes i could say what didnt appeal to me and what did, but mostly it was a lot of curiosity.

In the beginning we worked around what i knew i enjoyed , what i was curious about, talked about fantasies i had etc, basically giving me the chance, to experience and this opened up more curiosities and well as time went on i became more at ease and even loved what i once was fearful of, and sure i wouldnt enjoy.

In your shoes, i think i would be inclined to go at this from the same way, talk about what you both enjoy, you say he doesnt like to hurt you, but have you put it to him that you enjoy exploring pain, so although it hurts, its processed in a different way.

For example, being a masochist i do respond to pain in a sexual way, i enjoy s/m, but if i stub my toe its not a pain i take any enjoyment from.....so pain is variable..if that makes sense.

Its really down to communicating to each other, perhaps the willingness to explore fantasies, role playing...go from there, sometimes we just need bringing out of ourselves what is hidden, for a long time i struggled with my masochism, it just made me uncomfortable realising that i enjoyed being hurt...again thats a whole other story.

However, i do also believe that really you cant make somebody something they are not, not all dominants are sadists and by the same token not all sadists are dominants, so perhaps the biggest question is...is how important it is to both of you, and dealing with it if indeed this is something you cant compromise on.