Back to rambling, posting 2 kink sessions on a trot is a rarity for me, in all fairness though they are the exceptions to the rule..sessions like those.....besides the appeal to go into all that isnt there anymore, the blog has sort of moved on.
Its funny how relationships shift, change direction and sometimes it happens without it really being a big deal, its not noticeable rather it just evolves that way naturally.
S/m used to be so very important to me, to both of us, and for sure we both still enjoy it but its not as a big a deal as it used to be, it can be weeks, sometimes much longer before we have a 'heavy' s/m session, although there are moments that yes i do crave a good beating, i dont as much as i used to.
Something he said to me recently bothered me, i was pestering him for a caning, started off hinting to being very blunt and begging outright for one, he quipped "is that all I am to you, someone to hurt you?" ok so i know he said it in jest or at least i hope so, but its played on my mind.
Actually that, what he said hurt me, maybe im just being overly sensitive and doing the usual over analysing, and i know im not one for expressing how i feel especially when it comes to letting him know how i feel about him, i take it for granted that he knows and thats good enough.
But then he isnt actually great at it either, he is quite stoic, he isnt an easy man to get close to.
He can be quite 'cold' in his bluntness, we had been together perhaps a year or so and i recall him making it very clear to me that im his slave first and foremost, not his lover, friend or partner, my main purpose is to be obedient and pleasing..yeah im going to be having that etched on my gravestone!
That harshly put me right in my place, leaving no misunderstanding to where i stood.
I suppose from my point of view i see him as my Master before anything else...but
something shifted with us in the last couple of years, i cant say what exactly, maybe dare i say it we are 'comfortable' with us and how we work.
I do love him very much as a man, i enjoy the kink, but would give it all up tomorrow as long as i had his control...that i freely admit i do need and i know he needs to give it, i also know he loves me too, we dont say it to each other very often...its just not the way we are.
So dear Master, what you are to me is everything i need and want, always will be.