Tuesday 1 October 2013

Being obedient and pleasing.

Those are his expectations of me, they always have been from day one, they are the embodiment of which everything else is based around in my submission to him, and i really do try to focus on this, especially when i struggle....and as much as i dont like to admit it when something is not going the way i want or think it should be.

Lil's post got me thinking http://submissivesanctuary.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/be-careful-what-you-wish-for.html?zx=cac16c4c3f396cfe , triggered by the thought of how one adjusts to submitting to our Dominants, how one adapts to our idea of being submissive and submitting to them when it isnt in align with what they want and expect.

I would like to say nearly 8 years on from being with Master im well past this and well adjusted, not balking at his instructions, not seeking loopholes to get out of something i dont want to do etc but well i would be deluding myself.

Today is a prime example he said "I think you need more pumps" in respect of the inflatable butt plug (which is inserted every day)..now my logic is....

i chose to interpret this as not being an actual order or instruction, he is merely stating what he thinks, so therefore its not something i have to comply with...so i wont...thats my train of thought at that time.

But i would be failing at 'being pleasing' , deep down i know this....oh who am i trying to kid..not deep down..damn it yes i know it, but there is that part of me still that on occasion will look for a loophole..and i saw one in this situation, i could argue that he wasnt specific..an "I think" isnt a "I want you to....." is it?

Oh and i know him well enough by now to know his response without the need for him to say it....he will point out that my focus was on myself, because i didnt want anymore pumps because i dont like it.  So although technically i wouldnt be specifically disobeying him i wouldnt be pleasing him either, i would be pleasing myself and attempting to manipulate the situation to my advantage.

It never ends well, i certainly dont get any sense of victory out of this behaviour  so one would think...well why the bloody hell do it then? because one thing i do know (not think) is that the man just doesnt allow me to get away with it, he is strict and unyielding...and this is what i craved, wanted all those years ago.

Its what i got.

Which is all very good..until moments when i dont want it..but it is simply the way it is.
















13 comments:

  1. We always want what we don't have and then when we get it we decide noo lol. women we are fickle lol

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  2. I have learned not to say what I do not want because I know that is what I will get next

    more pumps, yikes.

    hug,
    joey

    .

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    1. this is very true joey...i just havent seemed to learnt my lesson yet!

      x

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  3. Getting what I asked for has definitely kicked me in the ass a time or two.

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    1. Me too but sometimes its worth the risk.

      x

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  4. This is a great post Tori, you got me thinking once again.

    I so get the is that an instruction or a statement? thing and trying to interpret his words to my liking. You are right though, it is pleasing him and there is more to it than obedience.

    I love your last sentence. Exactly! Getting what we want is all good ... until moments we don't want it.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz

      Its a difficult one because i do want to please him, but yet i also at times want it to go my way...especially when its something i dont want to do or like lol....and i know thats not umm very good behaviour.

      I never get away with it.

      x

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  5. Why is it that when they make a suggestion we sometimes try to interpret it differently? As you stated, it never ends well.

    Sometimes it's just plain old stubborness and others it's sheer stupidity, either way you pay for it - even it is just dissapointment in yourself.

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    1. yes db that is true

      Sometimes dependent on the situation he will have a chuckle at watching me dig myself a hole as i try to explain my reasonings lol

      x

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  6. Having been at ttwd for a fair amount of years myself, I have to admit that I let how a small sigh of relief to read this:

    "I would like to say nearly 8 years on from being with Master im well past this and well adjusted, not balking at his instructions, not seeking loopholes to get out of something i dont want to do etc but well i would be deluding myself."

    Because seriously? Me too!!!

    And the interpretation thing...Yea, I'm working on that one. You've been poking around in my mind again.

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    1. Good grief, I couldn't have messed that first sentence up more if I had tried...

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    2. Sometimes lil i feel like im slow on the uptake, that really by now shouldnt i be this perfect slave...and then i need to be reminded that perfection does not exist lol

      interpretation yeah..honestly if there is a loophole im going to find it!

      x

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